A game of desire and lust

I don't mind it so much... those moments of madness - when you loose control and all I can do is wait for the emotions to come crashing down on top of you... and I have to dig you out of the ruble of your insanity... I listen for the tired whimpers under the fading dust cloud that is left after your nuclear breakdown... and though I don't really know what I am supposed to do or say when I find you... let alone heal you of the demons that conquer you and abandon you...

I imagine all my whores – crawling out of the fog of my desires... drunk off the passion I drowned them in with promises of something more in a city near the sea... where no-one knows us... I seduce them into tears and leave them in angry despair... because... I really am just an ass-hole... my sweet lovely fragile whores... where would I be with out you?

But...

this morning...

I find it hard to walk out on you... so...

I wait...

because there is nothing I can do or say...

but there is something inside of me that needs to see you like this... some morbid and deranged part of me that seems to want to feed off of your shattered mind and bruised soul... you will hate me when you learn that... maybe... just maybe... I am aroused by it... I must be... because I always seem to find myself with the most insane of all women... beautiful... but bat-shit crazy...and here I am again.

I knew you were this way and I knew this would happen... I was just counting the days until you let it out... but don't blame me when you destroy your room because I am not there to cage the beast of your lust... and subdue her with the same old lies I let slip in the dark... in carefully calculated whispers... designed to melt away whatever is left of the walls young girls built around them to protect their emotional chastity from men like me... words crafted in secret libraries where Russian poets drink themselves blind until the memories of love and the Czar have gotten lost in the putrid scent of fading pages on shelves that have collapsed under the weight of the dreams of an empire lost to the chaos of history... words conjured up by candle-light in Gadreel's garden, perfumed in the smoke of the Dragon Queen's own daughters, configured to enslave you by your own desires of which I posses the key and only when you race across town to abandon yourself to the fire and surrender your lust to me will the thirst of your concupiscence be silenced... and then... when I have satisfied my own hunger for your beauty and your youth and you lay spent and debilitated... then... my darling... I will call up the demons of your madness from the dark cave of your heart... to drown us in the rage of your madness once more until the world comes crashing down on us from the weight of the lies I fill your dreams with that no broken hearted Russian poet could have ever conceived of in a sober state... because my little doll... those tears... swelling up in your chest... they now belong to me...

You knew what kind of man I really was – in-spite of the man I want to be and the man I pretend to be... but still... you wanted to play my game... and until you come to your senses and run away... far, far away from me... this is the game of desire and lust with me.

McGinnis