Friday, July 31, 2009


I could not stop a speeding car
I could not catch a falling star
I don’t even know where you are
Am I losing you?
I could not save the world today
Or find the right words to say
Or the song to play to make you want to stay
Am I losing you

I could not stop a child from crying
Or save a dream from dying
And I wasn’t even trying
Because I’m losing you
I could not save the world tonight
Couldn’t get anything right
Even in my dreams you wont hold me tight
Because I’m losing you

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I Tell You It's True

If I had wings I wouldn’t fly to Heaven
For Heaven for me is to be by your side
If I had to cross a thousand deserts
Your love would be the ocean in my mind
If there was just one wish I was granted
I’d wish you all the joy in the world
And if my soul has to live another life time
I’d come back as an oyster if you’d come back as my pearl

If the world was destroyed by demons and angels
And all that we know falls apart
I’d make you the queen of my own chaos
To rule in the empire of my heart
If there’s ever to much sorrow for you to swallow
I’ll give you my laughter and I’ll eat your pain
If I ever find Razziel’s book of magic
You’ll be a valley of orchids and I’ll be the rain

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Chihuahua Charlie's Song

I wont write you another love song
I think it’s time that I moved on
Hope you found someone to run to
Hope your demons have all gone
I spend my nights dreaming of Paris
And the one that got away
Because I was still clinging to your lips
And the love we never made
All the times I never held you
All the things we never said
All the dreams that did not come true
Our nights of battle in my bed

Well I got drunk and wrote some love songs
That I never sent to you
But I hope you’re doing all right
Hope you found a new dream or two
Someone said that you looked happy
In the arms of your new friend
And my life is just a rumor
That I’ve got plenty of love to lend
But all the hands that reach out to hold me
All the lips that are touching mine
Aren’t as soft as the ones in my dreams
The ones I had to leave behind
And all the smiles that steal a heart beat
All the pretty girls I make cry
Don’t have the seas of Heaven in their eyes
Like the ones where I want to die

No, this is not another love song
I didn’t give it all I’ve got
It’s still hard for me to be strong
But Johnny Walker helps a lot
And all the girls at Chihuahua Charlie’s
Don’t know what I feel inside
But they can get me through the evening
As long as my heart has a place to hide
But they can’t stop my soul from melting
Or turn my blood to gold
Stop the seas from raging
Or bring back the dreams you stole
They can’t even get me to Paris
For the salvation that I need
Or at least tell me all the right lies
That will have the rest of me freed

I wont write you another love song
At least not till tomorrow night...

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Watching you walk away...

I’m going to miss the smell of your hair
and your fingers on my chest
I’m going to miss your breath on my neck
and the comfort of your breast
I’m going to miss the conversations you have
when you think I’m asleep
And I’m going to miss the way you try to crack the code
of the secrets that I keep

I’m going to miss your kisses
and the seduction in your eyes
I’m going to miss the small of your back
and the valley of your thighs
I’m going to miss the whispers
that you pour like honey into my ears
And the taste of salt and passion
that I have drank from all your tears

I’m going to miss the moments of silence
before the sun arrives
I’m going to miss the way you recite your schedule
like well planned alibis
I’m going to miss the way you hesitate
when it’s time for you to go
And I’m going to miss the contours of your face
in the early morning glow

I’m going to miss the insecurity in your voice
when you say good bye
I’m going to miss the way you smile
when I ask you if you’re mine
I’m going to miss you every moment of the day
but honey most of all I’m going to miss...
watching you walk away...

Monday, July 20, 2009

Heart Breaker

Heart breaker you’re more than I ‘d hoped you would be
You’ve stolen my dreams, shattered my reality
Heart breaker you’re more than I could desire
Cooled by your kisses, drowned by your fire
And when you go - I know you’ll never return
Taking my soul and the lesson I’ll never learn
And after you’re gone - I’ll be under your spell for ever
Lost in the curse of the heart breaker...

Heart breaker you’ve shown me what Heaven could be
From both sides of the coin, from slavery to a king
Heart breaker you’re everything I’ve been looking for
When you break my heart I’ll be waiting around for more
And when you go - I know you’ll only forget me
Leaving me to drown in a poisoned memory
And after you’ve gone - I’ll be under your spell forever
Lost in the kiss of the heart breaker...

Monday, July 13, 2009

Mystery Girl

In dreams voices linger... faint whispers of conversations we over heard in a crowded train or coffee house - words that make no sense that we spend days and weeks trying to decipher but only ended up running circles in our minds when we end up trying to match a face to the voice that spoke the words - those words that must have a meaning... they must... for why else would they end up in our dreams.
In dreams faces come and go... a flash of a smile, a glow in a strangers eye, a girl with red ribbons in her hair... the man with the handle bar mustache... who are these people? Players in some midnight opera that inspire and torment the main characters... they enter stage right and disappear behind the paper background... they sit behind you on a bus... they stand in front of you at the post office... they run past you at the park... they fade away at the end of the aria... strangers without names... voices without faces... whispers without words... they linger... in the back of our minds they linger... and come and go as they please... in and out of our lives... in and out of our dreams....
She came into my life a little over ten years ago. There were no formal introductions, no "hello, it’s nice to meet you", no slow seduction.... she came to me on a long taxi ride home on a rainy morning at summers end, 1996, and she has been with me ever since. She has been a muse of sorts and she has been a strange kind of angel sitting on my shoulder whispering to me in sweet delicate tones comprised of the voices of lovers I let go too soon. She has been in many ways my conscience... my guide... my inspiration, and at times... my only friend. She has been a demon tormenting my dreams and tearing at my soul... she has been all that is good in me and all that is bad... she dragged me into the abyss and has led me to the light... through the good times and the hard times she has been with me... at my side all these ten long years.
Is she an angel... an echo from a past life... I never really wanted to know. I never really wanted to know if she was ever real or if I was just losing my mind... what’s left of it... but I always hoped - just a little - that one day... she would be there in a crowd... and like old friends we would smile at each other never saying a word... just a smile... and I would know... I’ll catch up to her later... I have literally drawn her around the world... well... figures of her... each and everyone slightly different than the one before... but all those drawings are pretty much the same... the eyes change and the smile changes - as I can never really get a good look at her face - in my dreams... but her position has always remained the same... she sits on the floor with one knee up in front of her with her arms crossed or with one hand under her chin... she is always in a black shirt and wearing blue jeans - I think... and the boots... strange looking boots that I can never seem to get right... I have drawn her face on napkins and walls and in notebooks across the country... I have left her image behind in airport lounges around the world and on hotel stationary in lobbies and bars from Chicago to Hong Kong... but I have never known her name. I have made her every woman I have ever had and every woman that I want. I have made her the standard by which all women that have come into my life in the last ten years have been judged by... and I do not know the color of her eyes... I do not know the feel of her fingers raking my chest... I do not know the smell of her skin... and the taste of her lips... but she has always been there... always in my head... always in my bed...

She broke my heart today... the one woman I never thought ever would... did... It had to happen sooner or later... eventually she would grow tired of my self centered, brooding artist, lonely bachelor ways... perhaps she felt it was time for me to know the truth of our relationship... maybe it is time for me to be on my own... she of course has always been the wiser of the two of us... so her judgement I must trust... she broke my heart... I don’t think I am ready to let her go... not just yet... give me one more night... Mystery Girl... give me one more night...

While lurking in the back ground of a certain forum that has been occupying much of my nights lately I found myself caught up in a discussion concerning certain women from ones past and mutual acquaintances... some how the conversation turned to the Mystery Girl... some one asked if I was in the fashion industry - I replied no... some one asked if I was in advertising - I replied at one time... some one asked if I wanted to meet the Mystery Girl - I replied it might be nice... and then that person posted her picture on the forum... and there she was... breaking my heart... for quite a while all I could do was laugh... was I relieved that I was not losing my mind... was I laughing the laugh of the damned... It is strange the things the mind chooses to hold on to... it still does not make any sense to me and I will probably be spending the next few days trying to unravel this mystery of the mind... then again... in some strange way... it all seems perfect and totally natural to my life...

Christy Turlington... the Mystery Girl

Saturday, July 11, 2009