This above all else, be a man.

A long time ago - actually, when I was thirty years old (which is now a very long time ago...)
I came across a book called “How to date young women for men over 35”  - it is the only book I have ever read on the subject of dating (it’s not really a pick up book... I don’t think). Yes, it has a cheesy title, but It was quite informative and enlightening... and very, very brutal in its honesty... it was a kick in the pants.

I found it in a box of old and recent paper backs and I picked it up and started reading and went through the damn thing in one night... and then I read it again over a week absorbing what I could.  I was a heavy drinker then and coming down from my fucking rampage and trying to figure out my life and the world and were I belong in it and just what the hell is wrong with women... and what it is that I am doing to loose them when I can very easily get them as a poor, care about nothing drunk... what was going on here.

I date young women - it has been a while since I  have been with a woman over the age of twenty six - because of that book... no... there isn’t too much that I can recall from that book, but I will say that it did help to form some of my opinions and ideas on women that are nothing less than cold hard truths about them and why they act the way they do - their fears and insecurities, their biology and the time-line... what they want and why... it would still be another five years after first reading that book that I would actually start paying attention to everything and putting all the pieces together.

Once you decide on the life you want and the man you wish to be, and you start to focus on nothing else but the thing you want most and moving in the direction of your destiny with integrity and sincerity and honesty... you will become a force of nature attracting to you that which you desire and others that wish to be part of the reality you have created. 

In that cheesy titled book there was one paragraph that put it all into focus for me and it was one of the first things I added to my “ruter” when I began to compile all the things I learned.  That paragraph makes for a very good affirmation - I  re-wrote it in the first person.  Say it daily several times a day - it will do wonders for your state of mind - it will help to change your character and will give you a great attitude.  I print out copies of it for young men that ask for advice... many don’t pay attention and will have to learn the hard way...  But for me this worked and it may just work for you...

The Affirmation

“I am a Man, I talk like a Man, I walk like a Man, I act like a Man, and I am Man all the time.  That’s what a young woman wants, a Man, not a young man, not a boy.  She wants me, a Man.

I am in charge. I am in control of myself and my emotions. I am complete. I am self-reliant and independent. I am strong and capable. I am knowledgeable about the world, but most important, I am knowledgeable about women.

I know how to deal with women.  I am never taken in by their manipulations and wiles.  I can take it or leave it.  I can walk away from it with no regrets.  I can say “no” as easily as I can say “yes”.

I am a gentleman. I am civil, polite, mannered and considerate.  I am never snide, rude, or arrogant.  I am proud of myself and my accomplishments, but I never brag or flaunt my success.

I am confident and  relaxed.  I do  not get angry or excited easily.  I  know where I am going and I  know where I  have been.  I   understand a woman’s concerns and I am considerate of her fears at all times. 

I am courageous.  To demonstrate my courage, I am willing to make the first move.  I readily make myself vulnerable when the opportunity presents herself.

I have a life of my own.  I have interests that absorb and enthrall me.  Not a bit of it has anything to do with women, nothing to do with work, nothing to do with anything except my own pleasure and enjoyment.

If  I  don’t have a “life” without her, I will never have a life with her.  I discuss my interests with the genuine passion that I  feel for them.  I am not shy.  I am not afraid to show that I  love something.  Women love men that love life.  Love it! This is not for her. It’s for me!

I am strong.  I am powerful.  I am forthright.  I am mysterious.  I am sensual.  I am passionate.  I am confident.  I dominate.  I am accomplished.  I am independent and thus capable, as well as worthy, of rescuing any damsel in distress.” 

Tom Lovell