Grey Phases - part two

This series of drawings were done on small pocket notebook paper and whatever other small pieces of paper were around - they were done randomly and sketched out quickly... sometimes I was trying to capture a face passing by or directly in front of me or working from memory... yes, they might have big eyes, I taught myself to draw by copying the works of Patrick Nagel, and to me his models seemed to have small eyes... and I always draw my eyes big because I have always mixed styles - manga with western styles plus I also learned to draw from fashion books... that is how I ended up with this particular style... some of these drawings I also did on small business card sized paper... and on the backs of business cards... and many of them I simply left behind in offices and restaurants and markets through out Juarez and El Paso and other parts of Texas, New Mexico, and Chihuahua.

Grey Phases - part one

It might not be an actual phase...

it could just be that I have only been carrying 

four pens in my bag all these months...

I  always have found something quite elegant in 

the most simple minimal forms, including art

I might just be trying to get back to the basic.

The Good Stuff...

I set down to write this but I don’t know how to start - I don’t know where to start.  The words are jumbled up in my mind and the images I want to try to relate to you are swirling in a storm in the dark lonely corners of my memories... so were do I start... how do I even begin to describe something I can’t find the words for... Veronica... lets just start with Veronica...

It would bring Veronica to her knees and I would have her eating out of my hand... It made seducing her easier and it was always a confidant builder and gave me just the right amount of swagger to be that dominant man she wanted me to be... the man she was trying to help me become... It was  something I would do only on very few occasions... and though I would always make up stories in the night about my travels - you know... things that may or may not have happened in cities I may or may not have seen... on those special nights... I could  convince her I was once an angel trapped in hell and fought my way out... and trekked across the far east and found welcoming solace in old Buddhist temples and Orthodox monasteries poring over ancient manuscripts... letting the smoke of the candles and the fragrance of the incense get trapped in the layers of my skin... I could tell her the smoke from my burning wings can never wash out of my hair and the aroma of  weathered leather from the centuries of wandering and fighting will forever be part of my soul... perhaps this is not a good place to start...

Carmen... It was the first night I met Carmen at Chihuahua Charlie’s in Juarez.  We had been introduced by a mutual friend... kinda’...  he gave her my phone number and  I  had hers and we spoke by phone for two weeks before we finally met... it was on a slow night of the week and the only ones there at the bar were the people coming from work around the neighborhood, she worked at a bank up the street... with Carmen I did very little talking and let her charm me... all I had to do was look at her and think of all the perverted things I wanted to do to her and somehow that would reflect in my smile and the way I would stroke her hand... she got the hint... but... I had her trapped... in my glances and in my presence and she would hang on my every word... it was she that brought it to my attention that everybody around us would stop to look over at our table... we were the center of attention - but Carmen pointed out that it was me that everyone was obsessing over... obsessing over? Did that come out right... let’s go back to the day I found this magical wonderful thing... this nectar of the angels... the juice from the fruits of Eden... might as well just go back to the beginning.

This is about cologne... no... not just plain ole' cologne... it’s about the good stuff... the  thing that legends are born from... that unforgettable moment in time that will get trapped forever in the minds of lovers and friends and strangers passing by... it is the scent of mystery... the aroma of man... and it is called “Lagerfeld”.

I was in my early twenties when I first discovered Lagerfeld - I was dating Elsa at the time... and I was looking for cologne at Dillard’s department store... at that time and still today, I wore ARAMIS... but I wanted something different.  I did not want to wander the men’s department like a fool without a clue so I asked the girl behind the cologne counter - A very attractive woman in her late twenties or early thirties whose face I can still remember - she herself looked like she stepped out of a Lancome advertisement... and she had a lovely welcoming smile... I still remember her... I just said to her - “I am looking for something unique... something different...”  and she says - before I can say anything else - “you want to stand apart from the rest...” she said it almost like a question but with hints of an affirmation in the way she said it - I can’t even describe how her words came out... but I felt like she got me and knew what it was I was looking for... she walked down the counter and turned to a glass shelf behind her and came back with a box that she was opening on the way... a fresh bottle... not from behind the samples counter... and she pulls out a bottle as if she was charming it out of the box with mystery and dramatic undertones like a stage magician... and I fell for her trick at that moment - before even having taken my first whiff of that magic potion... it was dark orange and the genie with a thousand wishes swam in it... she smiles at me and takes my hand and turns it over and before she sprays my wrist she says  - kinda’ flirty... “this... is the good stuff...”

And I never looked back... smart choices have not been many in my life... but Lagerfeld is truly one of them... she waited a little while, letting the cologne dry before letting me smell it closely, but the citrus of lemon and orange was already rising... and then comes a honey and spice... cinnamon... nutmeg? Before she releases my wrist she takes hers and rubs it on mine... spreading the fragrance and burring it deep into my skin... but... she holds my hand... the hand with the cologne, firmly, and my hand closes around hers... she slowly raises her wrist up to her nose and breathes in slow and deep with her eyes closed and I feel her squeeze my  hand... I am mesmerized... I am speechless watching her... a bit confused and a bit turned on... she breathes out and opens her eyes like she’s coming out of a dream... and I’m standing there like a fool longing to be lost in her delusion... she focuses her glance on me and I can not look away... and she cannot look away... and she lifts my wrist up to her nose and breathes in still looking at me but she gets this look of desire on her face and closes her eyes again, I can feel her nose against that soft meaty part of my arm... and she brings her lips close to my wrist, she exhales and then breathes in the aroma with her mouth... I cannot move... she finally comes out of her dream and looks at me... she releases me from her grip with a serene but hypnotic look in her eyes... and her face begins to blush... I can see her chest and shoulders rise and fall as she breathes in and out... like a woman after an orgasm...

“I’ll take two...” 

It’s all I could say... what else could I say...

She gets this tired but satisfied look in her eyes... she wants to say something but then suddenly snaps out of her dream and gives me this big smile... “Two?”  - is she testing me?

I nod and she turns to get two fresh bottles in unopened boxes - she did not simply replace the new bottle she had opened for me to sample.  She opens a drawer and looks for the right box to place my purchase in... and she had my interest once again - she was not just going to place my cologne in a store bag... she places this dark brown box on the counter in front of me... smiles and waits for me to smile back... she can see that I am amused... and turns and walks away... she returns a few minutes later holding a silk scarf in her hands... it looks a bit like the scarf around her neck, at least I can definitely see the same colors in it... she takes this silk scarfs with green and dark blue and purples in it - what looks like some kind of water painting on the silk of Asian water plants... and folds it delicately and places it in the bottom half of the box... then she takes the two Lagerfeld boxes and gently lays them on top of the scarf with about a half inch of space between them...  She reaches for tissue paper under the counter and folds it so that she can place it between the cologne boxes and around it... she takes the overlaying sides of the silk scarf and folds them over the Lagerfeld boxes and then places the top of the box over it... I am looking at this woman and I can see that she is very much enjoying herself - did she do this for every customer or was this just special treatment for the men that purchase “the good stuff”...  She wasn’t finished yet... she wraps the box in paper for me... she walks to another counter and brings back a dark chocolate wrapping paper with Japanese fans in white on it... then she takes a couple of ribbons - brown and black and ties them around my box... I don’t know why she chose these dark colors and that particular wrapping paper...( remembering all this now has my head spinning a little... and I feel strange - a Little wicked, like I am getting away with something naughty... don’t know why...) Maybe it was because the dark orange of the cologne or because of it’s dark musk... she takes her business card and turns it over - she wrote... "I hope that you are very pleased, thank you. J." - her name was Julia... and she placed the card in front of the box under the ribbons... she sprayed a bit of Shalimar on it... and asks “would you like a bag for that... of course not... she rings me up all the while with a smile on her face and when our business was over she hands me the box with both hands and says - it was a pleasure... I ask her to point me in the direction of the mens suits department and she comes from around the counter and escorts me there herself... never before or after that have I ever been given such service in a department store in the United States... again.

I bought two suits that day as well - I had no intention to but I just got a couple of bottle of the good stuff... I needed to complete the role I was about to play... I purchased a dark blue Perry Ellis double breasted suit and a dark grey Geoffrey Beene... I was saving money for a new car then and I really had no need for the suits... it was one of those things that just came to me at the moment and decided not to regret it after I made the purchase... a couple of months before that I spent more money than I should have on a black Giorgio Armani double breasted wool suit... but that fucking suit was nice...

I was with a girl named Elsa back then, in my early twenties... she never new what  kind of suits I wore when I did wear them didn’t want her to think me pretentious or foolish for spending that kind of money and I never did use the Lagerfeld when I was with her either... I can’t say why I didn’t looking back - but I think it was because I was trying to be someone else... even when things were falling apart between us... the somebody else that I was trying to create never came out... and Lagerfeld has always been a big part of my alter personas... and... I always hoped and wanted her to want me despite of how or what I was not... and I never wore the Lagerfeld when I was with my friends - at the time they were all wearing Drakkar... and my go to everyday cologne was and has always been ARAMIS...

Lagerfeld was always for the dangerous nights... my nights of prowling the dens and allies were angels fear to tread... for the nights I was out alone looking for danger and trouble - and I always found it... I was wearing the Lagerfeld the night I got my ass handed to my by a gang in Juarez outside of a place called Fred’s for talking to the wrong girl... I was wearing it the first and only night I ever scored big at a craps table... with a couple of Bulgarian models at my side... I was wearing it the night I met Cris (he wears it, and so did Dom)... I was wearing it the night I met Veronica and Carmen... It was what I was wearing the day I made my first big money deal... and I scored... Lagerfeld was and still is a confidence booster... for me and all those I have ever known to where it... it inspires and relaxes the wearer... I don’t know what exactly was in the original formula... I do know that there is stuff out there called 'Lagerfeld Classic' that is not the same as the original and the original is still out there if you can find it - the name on the bottle has an artsy script on it but I do recall seeing bottles with the “Lagerfeld” written in a fancy cursive... I also do not know who actually designed the stuff and how much input Karl Lagerfeld had in the making of the formula - but they got it right... if they were trying to capture the scent of a certain man they did it... if they were trying to create an aroma of mystery, they did... if this was their vision of adventure... bulls eye!  But... what I just don’t understand is why in the hell did they change the formula... was it too much man for the world... was there something in it that was pulled off the market... I don’t know... but if you are looking to try the good stuff - do not get the bottle that says ‘classic’ on it...

I know a Naval Commander in North Chicago that wore it - but he already looked like a hero and had no need for the stuff... I know a man that owns an antique shop that wears it... he is always very well dressed and speaks in a slow and whispered voice... I know an artist (many actually) that wears it but only when he knows there will be women around... I know soldiers that wear it, but only the ones that lead other men... and I know business men that wear it, but only successful ones... and those on their way to becoming successful... it might not be the original formula, but it still has that kick... and I have heard other men say that it is too much like Jovan Musk - but I feel that Lagerfeld is what Jovan Musk aspired to be - I also wear the Jovan, because there are many similarities in the two.

Those two bottles I got when I was a kid lasted a very long time - because I hardly ever wore it - you see this fragrance is attitude in a bottle... and to really be able to pull it of... one must first experience life... travel a bit and have some tough times under your belt... it is after all the scent of man - if you are a man of a certain age then you will know the scent of men as being “Old Spice” that is the stuff our fathers wore...  And for a generation of men - that was the aroma of their generation... a tougher generation, a manlier generation... unfortunately that formula has also been changed... but the Old Spice was worn by the working class and the privileged alike - it was attitude in a bottle... so... work out and read heavy books and do work that toughens you up... travel and vagabond a bit... get your heart broken and acquire some scars... make friends with dark characters... become a dark character... become artistic and learn to brawl... learn to sail and ride a horse... learn to shoot and hunt... wander into the wild once in while... and come back to the world hungry and tired worn... but with a cleansed soul and renewed spirit... this is the attitude of the stuff we call “the Good Stuff” - it is Lagerfeld...

Now to some it may be too much... to much powder... perhaps at times too much citrus and smoke and tobacco... it is an acquired taste this Lagerfeld... but it turns heads... men and women... and it leaves its mark on your memory... I have also known women that wore this cologne... it does smell different on a woman... but it is not for all women... it is perhaps best on concubines and the mistresses of mobsters... and the slave girls that dance in a pirates den... but for women looking for the equivalent of Lagerfeld there is Shalimar... which may have the same effect on many men as Legerfeld has on women... For men it wears well with a business suit as well as with cargo pants and a field shirt... for those that drive Cadillacs and those that ride Indians... It is not for boys that want to be... it is for men that are... it is not for punks and rich kids in Ferraries, it is for cowboy monks in old pick up trucks... it is not for douchebag pick up artists, it is for solitary warrior poets on old motorbikes... it is not for soft boys that cry more, more, more... it is for the hard working father that protects what is his, what he has worked for and what he has earned and makes no apologies for it...

It is a man’s world... so look like one and act like one and by God... smell like one...

Good luck fellas...

Lagerfeld in original bottle

not labelled as 'classic'

Oh... that scarf that was in the box... I later re-wrapped it and gave it to Elsa as a gift for some occasion... but she never wore it in all the time I knew her... at least not for me... to this day... I am very attracted to women in scarfs...

Feminism - the great shit test

A Theory by Victor L. Vogt

I actually wrote this about a month ago as a comment somewhere that I can no longer remember where - but it got lengthy and I just filed it away, but a couple of days ago other comments and articles inspired me to post it

It’s just a theory, but I base  it on personal experience and observation on the behavior of these so called “feminists”.  The theory is simple and goes like this - when the generation of men before mine dropped the ball and allowed women their “liberation from oppression” they thought they were getting a good deal, because now they could have sex with all these loose women and not have to marry any one of them, now that they were giving the sex away, and the women, not sure of their freedom from oppression, family and children, got together to see just how much shit they could get away with... just how much would the men put up with in exchange for free no commitment sex.  Women, being as God and nature made them, are followers, they need to be led.  They follow the hive and they follow their man... it’s just the way they are. They will believe just about anything another woman tells them and everything they read in their women’s magazines and very few women will say anything that goes against the teaching and the preaching of the hive for fear of having the hive turn against them - even if they claim to not be part of the “feminist” group, and they will apologize quickly if they should offend the beliefs of the hive. Because women  need to be led  or chaos fills their lives they look for men that will not play their game and are not afraid to put boundaries on them and not afraid to punish them when they step out of line.  This is the great shit test - Western women are waiting for the men to man up and take control of them.

The chaos that followed the liberation of the women - deviant sexual behavior, abortion, single mothers, divorce, boys growing up without fathers and turning to crime and homosexuality in search of male approval, and the complete lack of morals and responsibility... is not what women want, and it never was, they came to the conclusion a long time ago that equality between the sexes was not going to work and all this time they have been waiting for the men to dominate them as our grand fathers and their fathers did.  The women do not want to be on medication to get through their anxiety filled days of liberation and debt accumulation. Women do not feel that their lives are fulfilled working outside of their home for corporate bosses that don’t give a damn about them - whose only thought of the female work staff is making sure they are not offended by anyone so they won’t get sued. I do not know any man working a nine to five job that finds it fulfilling and life affirming - don’t try to convince me that women do.  Women do not want to be responsible - for anything, but they don’t want the men to just let them get away with it, they want stability and security and they cannot provide that for themselves. 

This little theory is the only way I can make sense of the fact that I have not heard a peep from the liberal feminist about the invasion of the western world by third world immigrant Muslims raping and taking all they want - especially in Sweden, once a beautiful first world Western country now reduced to the rape capital of the world... and if you even mention the raping by all the third worlders... you are immediately attacked by those on the left as being an intolerant racist.  In  America the media goes crazy about rapes that never actually happen - but no one is losing their minds over the women and young girls being brutally beaten and raped, in the open, on the streets, in broad daylight. And the men in Sweden seem to be so broken that they wont raise their voices or their fist out of fear - no, the women definitely do not want the broken Swedish men. White women want to get hate fucked by a third world nigger that does not give a damn about her and she will love every minute of it - because while he has her, he will dominate her, and fuck the stupid out of her... and she wants to be dominated by a man more than anything. 
That’s my theory...

The women - these feminist women will silence anyone on their side that mentions the rape of Europe in order to keep the flow of Muslim men into their countries and in hopes that what is happening there will happen in the States... their true agenda is the importation of men that are not afraid to dominate and put the women back in their place, this is what the woman want - it has nothing to do with multi-culturalism or asylum seekers... it is about finding men to replace the broken, feminized, frightened man-boys they created... they don’t want them - they want men.

Western women want jerks... they go crazy for ass-holes that treat them like stupid whores... hey, I can’t explain it and I don’t understand it but it is what I have observed all my life in the United States... since I was a young boy I knew the truth that girls like bad boys... they like the jerks... they love the ass hole that doesn’t give a fuck about the world and does as he pleases and treats his woman like nothing more than a tramp... but... girls always tell you be nice and to just be yourself and treat a girl like a princes and that one day you’ll find the right one that will fall in love with you... buy her stuff... take her out to a nice expensive dinner... you’ve all heard the same bull-shit... an it was all a lie... The United States is a country filled with nice guys... that will never get laid... because to western woman that is creepy - what ever the fuck they mean by that... but it is not creepy to treat her like garbage... she will eat that shit right out of your hands... but there are very few men in the west that actually care so little that they will treat women in such a way... mostly out of fear of how the women will react - but the women will never tell the men what they actually want - most women are so confused by all the propaganda they are fed that they have no idea how to act naturally as women and allow their natural instincts to lead them... does it make sense that women listen to homosexual men on how to dress and attract men... how does a fag know what a real man wants in a woman?

Women are not going to get together as a group and admit that feminism was a bad idea.  Women need to have the last word and will not say that they are wrong - this is an argument that will get men nowhere... so instead of admitting that it was a bad idea they will bring in men from cultures that are not afraid to fix the mistake of liberating the women... these men will kill the fags... and the women will not say a thing about it... because they actually hate and despise homosexual men deep down in their hearts and souls - they know homosexuality is as much of the problem as their feminism is... they want strong men to come in and replace the week church that helped sell them the great con and weakened the men...

I myself can be very nice and gentle and caring... but when it’s time to get laid... I switch alters and go out and find a woman dressed like a cheap whore and acting like the world biggest attention hungry slut... and I treat her exactly the way she is acting... like a cheap worthless whore... and the shit works... (he shrugs his shoulders in disbelief...)

I have lost two women in my life to Arab men... I have lost women to macho jerks that treated them badly... women that I myself tried to be dominant with... but for me it never worked... I just could not pull off that kind of attitude... until... I actually stopped giving a damn about them and became indifferent to their presence and stopped worrying about their opinion of me... I started to fuck women like there was no tomorrow not giving a damn about her pleasure - just taking what I want how I want it... and they came back for more... women would show up at my place uninvited - they were there for sex... they weren’t going to cook for me or clean for me... they were not there to inspire me or motivate me and they sure as hell were not there to hear my problems... they were there to get fucked... fuck them well enough and greedily.. And they were bringing take out for my having to stop and pleasure myself with them... talk down to them and let them know that they are simply in rotation and can be replaced... and they begin to clean up a little and start working hard for my attention... what attention... exactly... I have made women sleep on the floor... I have thrown them out immediately after sex... I have rejected women after undressing them and finding out they have tattoos... and they come back for more... but when it is over... I reverse my alter and go back to being that simple solitary man that wishes he could find a nice traditional girl to settle down with... it is that easy for me now... the secret is to actually not give a damn about what she thinks... and just dominate her...

Here is something that I have learned from American women - If she starts acting like a thirteen year old girl in front of you to get your attention - she genuinely likes you, she has had to revert back to her innocence before all the garbage of the modern world filled her head... she likes you but has no clue of how to express it as a woman (and not come off as a slut ) other than to act like a thirteen year old girl with a crush on the older cool kid from the neighborhood... then you have to treat her as she is acting... that is what she wants... she wants those days of knowing what she can and cannot get away with... she wants a daddy to tell her when she has to be home... to do her chores... get her homework done... when to go to bed and when to get up... she wants a daddy to let her know what she can wear out and how to behave... who she can hang-out with... and who she cannot... that is what women really want and that is why they act like children... that is what they want... they do not want to be responsible... why do you think the welfare state is such a success... the women don’t have to take responsibility for anything.  So when the Muslim man shows up... and they have milked the welfare state dry... what do you think is going to happen?

All women want a strong confidant gentleman... at least they do everywhere outside the “western world”, there, they have no use for gentlemen... for a western girl, romance is giving a stranger a blowjob in the bathroom... or an alley... they will fall to their knees for a man that does not give a damn about her and does not put her on a pedestal... but for the man that dominates her and puts boundaries on her - she will become daddies little girl.

I am more and more convinced that America is not worth saving and the best thing to do is to tear it down and rebuild... the woman are definitely not worth the trouble... for me they have become nothing more than play things... I know... that is not helping to solve the problem... and I have admitted that I never was part of the solution - but I want to be... so I write this for young men to find and learn from... other men are coming... strong men... brave men... men that will trample your culture to dust because you will not protect and embrace it... men are coming to crush your church because you would not throw out the heretics that have taken over... men are coming to bury your traditions because you will not live by them and pass them down... and they are coming for your women because you are too afraid to dominate them and take away their ‘liberation’...  I gotta call it as I see it... America is not worth saving... we have gone too far and if we continue down this road we will only face the same out come as Sodom and Gomorrah... it would be best if we tear it all down before God does... as for me... I would rather go back to where I came from and protect and respect the women who want to preserve their culture and their traditions and their honor... where the men are respected for the preservation of their families and dignity and church... the whole world has not gone completely to hell... just a small part of it... but that small part gave us wonderful things... it did amazing things... what else could it do if we save it?

This is just a theory and it is based on my personal observations and experiences... and I could be wrong... but until I am proven wrong and I see behavior from the women that says other wise... I’m running with it.

Good luck fellas...