Showing posts sorted by relevance for query lauren bacall. Sort by date Show all posts
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query lauren bacall. Sort by date Show all posts

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Good-night, sweet lovely muse...

If  you have been a follower of these Deringer Files you will then know, that for  me, Lauren Bacall  has been a muse of sorts... a go to fantasy... a picture taped to the back of my wardrobe's door... a reference used to compare cheap one night stands to... an idea... an image... a memory of  a  time I never knew...

Lauren Bacall
September 16, 1924 - August 12, 2014

"When Bogart saw Bacall... he knew that love conquers all..."


Monday, August 30, 2010

around and around... and around again...

She is not as shy as she pretends to be.
She is elegant and quite feminine. Reserved... and... very charming in a Lauren Bacall kind of way - think Bacall in “To Have and Have Not”... now you know what I am trying to say... she’s a woman... all woman. She knows what she has and she knows how to use it. Within the first hour of our meeting each other she has tested me over and over... and over again. So far I have proved myself worthy by indulging her ridiculous behavior... but it is what women do... and I - when I had reached my tolerance point for these little games, smiled - the way I smile when I am about to give a woman the big let down or the “it was very nice to meet you... I hope I never run into you again...” my “frankly my dear, I would have liked to gotten to know you better... but you’ve wasted so much precious time with your fucking little games...” she must have known that smile - perhaps she’s seen it before and put it to memory for future encounters with a would be suitor... she stopped long enough to allow me to be vulnerable and show her my humble, funny and boyish side... but she has already figured out that there is only so much shit that I will put up with... She already knew who I was though was uninformed of the specifics of my life. She works for the last client - the one from the “BIG PROJECT”. We were introduced through another member of the company whom I was advising privately on personal matters.  She strolled to our table at the coffee shop like a leopard among a heard of gazelles, many of whom stopped to admire and assess the danger they might be in. She joined us in a new conversation of her choosing until my acquaintance departed... non too soon as I was immediately taken in by this young feline - her walk, her clothes, her hair... the soft delicate tone of her voice and the dull olive hue of her skin. She wanted to learn more about me and I wanted to talk about her... I tried to talk about fashion but she seemed bored with the topic... tried celebrity gossip but she wanted to have no part of that... hmm... what else do women want to talk about... politics? That wasn’t going to happen... so I gave in and opened up about myself to which she responded by opening up about herself... we opened up to the point that we spoke of our dreams and our fears... and as I was letting her believe that she was seducing me by letting me talk about myself - I got her to tell me about her childhood and her deepest secret desire... how it makes her feel to think of it... the joy it gives her... the pleasure she hides deep within her at the thought of her private mental hide-away... oh, dear sweet girl... I’ve been doing this for quite some time now... you didn’t have a chance when you made your way across the savanna... unless this was all your plan... and so we went around and around... and around again, giving and taking here and there until I took her by the hand and smiled - the way I smile before I give a woman my best Han Solo... “well princes... looks like you managed to keep me here a little longer...”
“I haven’t kept you from anything important, have I...?”
I shake my head with a crooked smile and a lazy left eye
“Actually I have about forty-five minutes to get to another meeting... but it has been a pleasure spending this free time with you...”
“When can we finish our conversation?”
“Whenever you like...” I reach into my portfolio and pull out a business card and I slide it across the table to her.
She reads it and smiles... nods her head approvingly... she turns it over and looks up at me...
“There’s no phone number on it... just your e-mail address...?”
I smile.
“Baby steps my dear, baby steps” she laughs - “I am a very busy man... you use that when your ready... I check my mail once at night...”
She isn’t quite sure of what to do or say... you wanted to play a game my sweet... the ball is in your court now.
She looks up at me... I stare into her eyes... I look at her... those polished amber stones... I look past her... and I think to myself in a whisper that only her soul can hear... “take it... you know you want to... take it... I’ll make it better than it has ever been... I will give you that passion that you secretly desire...”
She looks at me... she wants to speak but can’t find the right words... what would Lauren Bacall say in this moment we find ourselves in? I stare at her... my crooked smile beginning to form... my eyes begin to get narrow... she looks at me and I stare at her in silence... she lowers he gaze and places her hand at the bottom of her neck...her cheeks begin to rouge... and her smile becomes insecure... she nods her head in an almost unnoticeable manner... “I’ll drop you a line...” and she opens up her hand bag and places the card I gave her in her wallet - delicately, in the pocket in front of her drivers license... and she takes out her card and a pen... she writes her phone number on the back slowly... deliberately taking her time... almost as if she wants everyone to know what she is doing... I look over to a table of young girls sitting next to us... they smile at me and turn away giggling... young girls...
With as much style and presence as she walked across the room to the table she hands me her card with a flick of the wrist that any magician would be proud to master... I do not look at it. I slip it into the inside pocket of my blue blazer.
I extended my hand to her and she took it... I hold it delicately... perhaps longer than I should have, placing my other hand above it... “we’ll get together soon...” I tell her...
“We will...” she responds - the way women respond when they have abandoned their logic... and their belief systems for the hope of reckless, adulterated... passion.
I excused my self and made my way out and as I disappeared into the crowded city sidewalk I could feel the eyes of a hundred thirsty gazelles following me...

to be continued...

Friday, May 8, 2009

Waiting for inspiration

It lingers in the back of my throat like wine waiting to seduce me and on the dunes of my lips it sits like traces of her lip gloss... and it happens so often I have made her my mistress and I hide her away from all the others that linger... all those great first lines... all those amazing titles waiting to be part of some epic novel... or at least some poem that will make her stay.
It comes floating in the air like a magical, whimsical gossamer... a conversation I over heard or a line from an article in a magazine... sometimes it comes from the incoherent mumbling of some beggar... perhaps trying to find the ending to his own rock opera. Those first lines always come so easy... but the rest of the story... the middle and the end... elude me. They haunt me and they taunt me... they crash against the walls in my mind like the waves hitting rocks on the shores of Malta and the spray of the water rises up in hues of gray to paint my evenings in black and white and shades of "what could be"... they haunt me... Like the whispers she left behind... calling to me from a dream... whispering the words she knows will bring me to my knees, the words that will have me crawling on my belling through the fires of my lust, the words I will devour with the hunger of a wolf and drink in like the nectar from Ponce De Leon’s fountain... they haunt me... like the ever present scent of Chanel that I can never wash off my clothing or my fingers... or the sheets on my bed... she’s always there waiting for me to find her... to charm her... to seduce her into my arms once more... but when I reach out to hold her she fades away like the ghosts of so many other lovers that never had the chance to know who I really was and what I was really looking for... and she fades away through the walls and wanders down the hall... taunting me... and I chase after her with promises that I know I will never keep, promises of eternal love and devotion and fidelity... I fall to my knees at the feet of her alter and offer my confession in exchange for communion and the baptism that will cleanse my soul and wash the mortal desires from my body making me worthy of enlightenment... humble and broken and faithfully hers... just give me those words... but she taunts me... like phantom promises from a Lauren Bacall movie... and I... might be Bogart... and I might be insane... but I follow her... from room to room, down hallways and through doors that haven’t been opened since the winter wind blow them shut and I play hide and seek with her... and I bargain with her... I offer what’s left of me to her... I loose my mind for her... but I get nowhere closer to her... and the words that can save me fade away with her - into... the night.