Sunday, August 13, 2017

and then what Europe... and then what?

Are people still traveling to Europe?

Did tourism take a hit this summer or was it business as usual for the tourist boards of Europa?

I don't know and I have not looked it up but I would imagine by now Americans know to stay away... or do they?

Again... I don't know and I have not looked up the numbers but I do wonder if tourists arriving in Europe – let's say France, are given a list of no-go zones, or would that be considered racist and Islamophobic to inform visitors of dangerous areas in their country - “avoid Calais and Nice... for your own protection don't stare to long at the Negros... for the safety of your wife and daughters have them cover their heads and dress modestly” - no?... no pamphlets or brochures upon arrival?

Wouldn't want to scare off the Americans and Asians bringing in their hard earned money to support the hotel industry and gift shops that have supported families for so many years... that you collect taxes on to support the unemployable, illiterate refugees you love so much, Europe... that cultural enrichment must be some kind of magic.

What will become of you Europe?

I just can't figure it out... I have a damn good idea of what is happening but I can't make sense of why you are letting it happen... and just as I find it hard to find any sympathy (though I can find excuses) for suicide victims, I am struggling to find reasons to keep caring for people hell bent on destroying themselves... even more so when I cannot find the reason that makes sense for it.

Except for some suits – French, Italian, and German, and some artwork and hand crafts that I bring back as souvenirs... and my last name... I have no products made in Europe in my home. The economies in Latin Europe suck – Greece, Italy, Portugal... broke and high unemployment rates. The Northern high taxed socialist countries are being sucked dry for the sake of the new Europeans... the backs of the English working class is getting ready to break. Where is the money to support all of these unskilled, unemployable, non-integrating immigrants and their families coming from – or like basic progressive socialist, you simply do not care as long as it keeps flowing. What is going to happen when England and Sweden and Germany have imported so many third world migrants, bringing their hatred and greed and their enriching culture and peaceful religion, that you bend over back-wards to please and not offend even as these people kill and rape your sons and daughters and make your cities so unsafe that the citizens will not even be able to walk out the door to go to work to support their own families, and the poor unskilled refugees cannot and will not be trained to work as it may be offensive or considered racist to even consider the thought and your countries fall apart... and the money stops flowing because the ones doing the work cannot get to work for fear of their own lives... and the refugees start rioting because the goodies aren't being delivered on time... then the fires start... and the looting's... and the war lords rise – because these are Africans and Middle Easterner's we are talking about... and the no-go zones become tribal territories and Whites are thrown out of their homes, and Christians are beheaded in the streets and the daughters of Europe are sold and traded on the steps of your Cathedrals... and England now looks like Afghanistan, and Germany resembles Somalia... and Sweden – some fucked up country in Africa that not even the do-gooders care about...

I keep asking myself why the militaries have not stepped in – Sweden has men in dresses leading their soldiers so I can see that they are part of the self destruct agenda... but France and England... I don't understand... are these soldiers orphans and raised by the state? Do they not have families... are they not there to protect the people... their culture... their traditions...? Are they there to stomp out the resistance? I don't know.

I tell people and I have left comments on several sites on the topic of illegal immigration – if you want to put a stop to it you have to give the immigrants a reason to not want to go to your countries – you have to turn your homelands into no-go zones for them... but you have not, instead you have allowed the foreigners to create no-go zones in your own cities... what the fuck man... give me a sigh Europa... let me know you are gathering in the shadows waiting for the night to fall and you will rise out of the darkness with the fury and the fire of that dragon that is the will and determination that built the western world... show me that strength and devotion of your ancient knights that conquered and protected your many kingdoms with faith and courage and honor... let me hear the slow crescendo of thunder of the new order rising that is the heart and soul of one people, united under the banner of Christendom on the march to preserve the cultures and heritage of the nations of Europa and I will not loose respect and love for you... because if you fall, the whole of the West will fall... as for Sweden... I am still very much inclined to show up with an army of angry Mexicans and take it for myself... since you don't seem to want it... we'll get more resistance from the Muhameds and Abdulas to keep the free ride they have now... but I just might want the country more than they do... for purely selfish reasons...

We don't know what to think over here, cousins... we just don't know... but do beware of Latin American tourists traveling light, and heading North... in the off season.

Monday, August 7, 2017

... and it's worth fighting for...

kiss me goodbye...

She calls me a damn fool of a man.

She blames me for everything... every damn thing - whether it has anything to do with us or not... it's my fault she feels this way... it's my fault for making her angry... my fault when she cries... my fault when things fall apart - and they often do... It's my fault... and I will admit... to a night a long time ago... in the stillness of her fathers garden... under the moon casting a certain glow... that I fumbled and mumbled out a desperate magic spell... but I was only looking for a sign from destiny - honestly... and she herself did once admit to doing the same thing - in that very garden... on a very similar night... but still... it's all my fault for not knowing how to cast a proper spell...

And trust me when I tell you friends - she's always been a little mad - every one likes her... she is a lovely girl and very easy to fall for... she's the girl you want on your side... the one you want to have a family with... but she's nuts like the rest of them... and I always knew it... but the sound of her voice... and the smell of her skin... and the taste of her lips... is worth the rage and insanity when I get to hold her in my arms again...

And I let her come and go as she please... and I let her rain down her madness on me... I let her drown me in her fears and insecurities and jealous tantrums... and I let her pretend that she hates me and I let her pretend she's never coming back... and I let her seduce me and I let her reduce me to the point of no resistance... 

I wonder if she will forgive me when she realizes that I let all of this play out according to the script of her seduction... this is what she wanted... just the way she wanted it... this was always her game that we have been playing... but we are both playing to win... and I like playing this game... with her... breaking the rules and stacking my chips with loaded dice... because all is fair in love and war.

I can't let her win - because I cannot abandon the road I am currently on - which is what she wants.  I have to follow it to the end and see were it leads me... and she knows that... I wonder if she would forgive me if I let it all go and we lost ourselves out at see - forever... (like she said we should).


I know...

This is the man she wants... this damn fool of a man... that she keeps coming back to...

Friday, July 14, 2017

to all the girls I loved before...

I find it very interesting that over these last two years, six women from my past have contacted me through e-mail... all looking to waste my time with their bull-shit... (and some old friends as well have popped out - out of nowhere looking for me).

A couple of them I am convinced were not who they claimed – like “E”... why the hell would she even try to look for me – to be friends – I think not. I think that one may have been the person that always causes me problems – because why would my ex-girlfriend, whom I told I hope I never see again the last time we spoke on the phone after she married her Arab (or whatever the fuck kind of nigger from Africa) crying... just makes no sense.

It does not make sense that any of these women would contact me for any reason – because all these woman are women I tried to give my affections too – woman that I genuinely had feelings for, and they all throw it away after they walked all over me... yes, it was back when I was still confused about women and thought the way to get and keep a woman was to be a nice guy... I get sick at my self just remembering what I was like with these girls...

Now... the chicks I banged and treated like dirty back alley whores... I can still get today and do all sorts of nasty shit with... because I cared nothing for them... but the ones I liked and showed kindness too... will always look at me as weak and needy... if they only knew...

So why did these women come looking for your cousin Dash... after all this time?

Validation... Drama – to see how much of my time they could waste and lots and lots of attention... I am sure some of them wanted to see if they could get me to beg them to be with them... because these women are now middle aged, used up, bitter, fat (more than likely), bored with their lives and husbands and cats, and perhaps their children...

Why do women go looking for you years later young man – she wants attention – you were a good catch then and after she has been on the cock carousal and is about to hit or has hit the wall and has not been able to find a sucker to tie down or trap... she has come looking for you.... too see if your still week for her or if she can manipulate you into taking her back... don't do it...

She wants to play catch up and waste your time to see how much of it she can take from you as she tells you her problems and her her fucking life story - but has no interest in anything you have to say... she just wants you to be her girlfriend and let her fucking talk... don't do it...

She might be pregnant with someone's kid... or she may have a litter of kids from different men and looking for a sucker to support them... don't do it

She will find out if you have moved up socially – better job, more money and in better shape - maybe you are now the man she always hoped you would be – the kind of man she was seeing on the side while you were home jerking off or working your ass off all day long... and she was trying to find herself (meaning fucking everyone but you)... don't do it... burn those bridges... and keep moving forward my friend... these silly whores wasted enough of my time... I have only been back in the states a few days and have secured me a date for the week-end with an twenty year old Filipina that's only been in the country for a week... God bless Asian girls...


Take this advise from your cousin Dash - never take them back and don't waste your time with them when they show up looking for are not that boy anymore.

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Hey There Europa...


hey there Europa,
what's it like living in cities
filled with muslims and non-whites
and other apes who make life shitty
how is that?
Is it worth acting like a doormat, aristocrat?

hey there Europa,
you should worry about the migrants
from now on it's up to you
and you must make it through this crisis
yes it's you,
you're the ones who must defend the land
of your own clan

oh, Europe for Europeans
oh, Europe is all we have
oh, Europe for Europeans
oh, Europe is all we have
Europe is all we have

hey there Europa I know times are getting hard
but if you get your shit together
one day you and I could be among the stars
we'll have the life we knew we could, it's understood

hey there Europa, there's so much for me to say to you
If whites don't take back power,
then there's only one thing left for us to do
we'll erupt in chaos and start anew, I know it's true

oh, Europe for Europeans
oh, Europe is all we have
oh, Europe for Europeans
oh, Europe is all we have

we've all forgotten who we are,
we're conquerers with many scars
it's in our blood to battle for our kind

the populus is waking up,
but not before they've been blown up
it's hard for me to understand your mind

Europa, I can promise you
that by the time that this is through
that you will never ever be the same
guess who's to blame?

hey there Europa, please hold on just a bit longer
every day I learn so much about your past
and I grow fonder, yes I do
we'll soon make history for you
you'll know it's all because of you

hey there Europa, here's to you
this one's for you

oh, Europe for Europeans
oh, Europe is all we have
oh, Europe for Europeans
oh, Europe is all we have
Europe is all we have

Friday, June 9, 2017

a quick note and some drawings

Good friends and readers - after my last post here my computer got hit with something and stopped working, I am at the mercy of cyber cafés so if I owe you an e-mail or you are waiting for a response please be patient - I am still on the road in Mexico but heading back north for a bit - wont be getting a new computer of my own until I reach Juarez ans find something that I like - for the moment I do like not having to worry about carrying a computer but I do have to track my business and for that I need internet - however after all the problems I have had with my computers and the internet I may only be using my next computer for business only... but we'll see.

I have met some great people and have seen some beautiful places here in Mexico that I had never seen before and I had a chance to visit a little village not many people know about that is exactly what I want to build - it is all occupied by one family... amazing place... amazing tribe.

I am enjoying this trip of mine - I have lost twenty pounds - a few months back I gained weight - but I am eating little and walking much - only doing crunches and push ups in the mornings... was in a big city and I felt like I was back in the states but getting out into the country really does clear my mind - headed for a beach before I go back north... and maybe do some sailing if my friend is there.

Until I have something more important to post... good luck.

 pages from The Book of Unfinished Faces - part ll

Sunday, May 7, 2017

A new chapter

(random thoughts that might all be connected)

I once went on a quest for the Holy Grail...

Foolish - some told me, but it was a call I could not deny... and it came at a point in my life when I was, I had been told, not a good person - though I do believe I have it in me to be worse than what those people said I was then. That journey turned into a quest for the Holy name of God - and it is one very important part of my involvement in the occult and certain brotherhoods, another reason was my need to learn and understand certain things that I was going through at the time (and still do to this day), and one group offered answers and enlightenment.  Curious and having nothing to lose in those days I took them up on their offer.

I do not speak of this part of my life with others, mainly because the conversation takes a turn to crazy-ville... and very few people (who have not experienced that world) will understand you and what you are talking about.  But still... my life does get crazy, wether I want it or not, when I step out of the confines of the peace and serenity I create for myself in the places I call home.  The chaos and the madness of the modern world drove me to want to isolate myself in solitude and simplicity... but the modern world wants me to be as miserable and angry as the rest and it wishes to take away my beliefs and replace it with the complete opposite of what I know to be right and true, it wishes to replace my God with its false idols and crush my dreams, my mind and my soul - that I will be nothing more than a weak, mindless consumer kneeling before the state for my privileges. 

Friends, I have embarked on a new quest - a quest for true believers.  I have been called upon by destiny, as other men have today, to create an order of men that will preserve the traditions of their people, their culture and  Christianity.  For the last  couple of years several groups have formed through out Europe and America and they have placed the call on-line for other men to find them and join their cause - some of these groups have come and gone off-line without warning or explanation... I am not a member of any of these groups - I have no affiliation or association with anyone.  As for my own order, I am currently on a wandering journey in search of the right men and families to join my quest of the preservation of our European traditions and the restoration of a more natural order to the world - and God willing, the formation (or restoration) of a new monarchy with a strong Christian leader not afraid to push back the heathen horde and crush the filth that is the modern world.  I will release more information at a later time.

This post was mostly to answer e-mails about my “cryptic” (as one put it) last post.

I am of mixed cultures and of mixed races - not of my own choice, I was born like this... had God allowed me to chose, I would have been born into an old and proud culture of strong traditions and beliefs - Like Japanese or Russian.  It was not easy for me to leave my country behind as a boy and adopt a new culture - especially because no one explained anything to me - it just happened... I became an American and lost all of what was in me that I could call Mexican - as for my European roots from my Father (who comes from French and German stock), I never really knew... as I got into my thirties I began to embrace my past - the cultures and traditions of my peoples - of where I come from... their legends and stories and myths and all their eccentric ways and beliefs... the music and dances and foods... everything from everywhere - I cannot get enough... but because I am mixed, raised in America, the white European side of me has had more of an influence in my life... however, being back in Mexico and South America, I feel more at home there - because I am Mexican - I was born here... I belong here... I am not Japanese nor am I a Russian - but what wonderful countries they have.

Being part of certain secret groups you will come to realize that all of these groups are really one big group - they are all the same and you will find that many members of one group are members in another... they have the same rituals and the same structure and the same leaders - and many of these members are elected leaders of many nations around the world - membership has its privileges... it is the truth.  Another truth you will have to come to terms with is that not too many events happen in the world that have not been planned and carefully orchestrated by these groups - wars, revolutions, mass migrations, famine, disease, currency manipulations... elections... feminism... cultural Marxism...  Get the idea?

Conspiracy theory... go find out the hard way - President Trump sure as hell did take a turn that came out of nowhere that has left many scratching their heads in confusion and anger... but has suddenly become mister wonderful with the MSM that was out to destroy him - war will do that... more money for Planned Parenthood, more money for Sanctuary Cities... Make America Great Again... I don’t think so - war! And where will the money come from... the men to fight these wars?

Are you afraid of The North Koreans? I am not - but already the Government has started to tell us that the North Koreans are four years closer to making a weapon that will destroy us... for the last thirty years the U.S. has been telling us that Iran is four years closer to a nuclear weapon... Iran has no privately owned central bank by the way - neither does N. Korea or Syria... and neither did Libya... but that could just be a coincidence... right? 

Japan.  Japan has always been an Isolationist country and only opened itself up to trade with the West when a fleet of American ships led by Commodore Matthew Perry of the United States Navy where sent to blow the hell out of the country in 1853.  Some would say that this was the beginning of the struggle for the Japanese people to retain their culture and traditions and identity.  The Empire of Japan in the Twentieth Century wished to be recognized as an important world power - which it was, but had the threat of an unstable China and Communist Russia very close to the west of them - if they were to protect themselves and expand their influence as a world power they had to go on the offensive...

(Taken from
With this background we return to WW II . After Germany knocked out France and invaded Russia, the Japanese took over the Indo-chinese ports which had been supplying the Chinese resistance from Vichy France in July 1941. On 25th July 1941 Roosevelt froze Japanese assets in America & imposed a trade embargo on Japan. This was followed by Britain and the Dutch government in exile. As a result the supply of oil from Dutch East Indies to Japan was cut off and an economic war was in effect declared against Japan.

The situation for Japan was desperate. To secure her oil supply Japan had to librate Indonesia  . To reach the Dutch East Indies she had to roll from Indo-China through Thailand and British  Malaysia to knock out the island fortress of Singapore  while moving her naval forces through the South China Sea . To secure her navy from American attack from Phillipines she had to secure the Phillipines. Finally to secure China & establish the East Asia Co-prosperity Sphere as the British had established their empire with India as the crown jewel, Japan had to liberate Burma & cut of the last remaining supply route to China. Before embarking on this desperate course Japan made a bid  for peace  .

On 20th October 1941 Japan proposed to the US of A that America lift it's embargo on trade, supply Japan  with oil & stop assisting China in line with it's policy towards the British empire.

America, the chief financeer & profiteer of WW II, however, saw an endless road to prosperity in widening the war. Roosevelt turned a deaf ear to Japan's appeal & moved the US navy to Pearl Harbour.  Thus when Japan attacked on 7th December 1941, the vital aircraft carriers were at sea & the useless battleships stacked neatly at Pearl Harbour to be sunk & thus outrage the American people into supporting the greatest conflict the world has seen.

The United States dropped a couple of bombs on civilians and the Japanese surrender to General MacArthur.  Their Constitution was rewritten by foreigners and they were given a new tax system designed to drain them of money to pay for reparations and they were given a new privately owned central bank to make sure they become debt slaves like Americans... but Japan endures like no other nation, though their birth rate is falling and the men are becoming alarmingly feminized  - they hold on to their culture and traditions in defiance of the rest of the world. 

Russia.  Russia  was already a communist nation when the second world war began - and history tells us that Germany invaded Poland to push back the communists.  Germany, under the leadership of Adolf Hitler had become the most technologically advanced country in the world, it embraced their culture and traditions and race with a burning passion that has not really been seen since in other nations and people. Though I have yet to see any actual proof of a “holocaust”,  history tells us that though there were not six million Jews in Europe at the time - the German’s put six million Jews to death and that same history tries to convince the world that The United States entered the war in Europe to stop the Germans from creating a Fascist Empire that would rival any other empire the world has ever known and that the world today is better off without it.  During that war the biggest alley the United States had and the country and people they were actually there to protect from the Germans were the Soviets - Communist Russia... yes, the very people who became the biggest enemy of the United States immediately following that war... and the most protected people in the world became the Jews that made their new home in Palestine - or Israel as some call it today... 

So protected is Israel today that any one wanting to boycott that nation or even dares to question it’s policies will be vilified as racist NAZI’s and might have to face the forces of the United States who will come to “liberate” your country for doing so. - because the Jewish people, we are constantly told, are the victims of the world and of course, the United States being the police force of the world must protect the victim... whatever... Germany today is suffering from a very bad case of white guilt, and all that pride of the National Socialist Reich has faded away and the Germans seem to be determined to commit cultural suicide at an impressive velocity... The Soviet Union, by some miracle or accident, fell apart over night with out a revolution and absolutely no resistance - though some chaos did follow as is expected in the rebuilding of a nation.   Russians today have rebuilt their churches and revived their traditions and embraced their culture and seem to be heading in the direction of a people destined for greatness - the government has blocked pornography sites from the internet and has made it a crime to promote homosexual behavior in front of children, they promote Christianity and even give awards to recognize big traditional Russian families.  They are even coming to the defense of countries the United States wished to impose it’s form of democracy on.  I have a soft spot for Russia and not just for the woman or because I get massive views from the country, but how they have turned the country around is impressive and to be admired - their promotion of Christianity and traditional families has my stamp of approval - for what it’s worth.

So what does all of this have to do with me - well... knowing what I know and seeing what I have seen, it is just a matter of time before social justice do-gooders invade Mexico and try to take away the traditions of my people and stomp out our cultural pride - why would they do that you ask - because all the traditions that the world associates with Mexico were given to us by Europeans.  Mexicans fought the socialist to save Christianity once already - we will do it again...

A while back I was doing research into the history of the Patagonia region when I began to come across stories of giants that dwelt there long ago, so I began to look into that when I came across the works of this man Robert Sepehr - a soft spoken researcher who tells a good story (might he be following in the footsteps of Joseph Campbell?) and has a subtle way of connecting the dots in front of him given the crumbs history leaves behind for us.  His audience is growing since I first found his videos and some may find some of what he talks about to be far out there - but I myself can be pretty far out there too... either way if some of his videos do not inspire you to want to preserve your culture and the traditions of your people, then my friend, you might as well join the other side.

I want to share this video of his with my visitors - that it may inspire you to seek the truth.  For a very long time I have read everything I can get my hands on about the German people especially if it pertains to the era of the second world war - I am more than fascinated by it... in Mr. Sepehr’s videos, if you care to go through them on his youtube channel, you will see that lately the Swastika seems to play a big role in them.  The Swastika is an ancient symbol that may be of celestial origins and can be found through out history all over the world - even in Ancient Mexico in the Aztec and Mayan cultures. But this symbol has been demonized and banned in many places - I for one am very interested to find out why that is.

The time is near my friends - build your tribe and chose a side.

The Russian awakening - Robert Sepehr.

The state of Fracne today:

These days I can only believe what is in my heart and I can only find truth in what my soul tells me... and I have concluded that democracy does not work, socialism only leads to anger and hatred and greed and the people with the strongest traditional families that fight to protect their culture and preserve their traditions will always be a force to reckon with... Islam is not a religion of peace and Allah is not the Holy name of the one true God... remember my quest for the Holy name of God... that quest will take some men to Egypt (Egypt sucks by the way).  When it came time for me to stand in the water and receive the name of my creator I declined to follow through - for that was too much responsibility for me at that time - it requires the preservation of tradition. And I knew then that I still had much to learn and much more of the material world I had to learn to let go of... that is a story (that will piss off a lot of people) - for another time.

Thursday, April 6, 2017


in the land of the giants

It is never easy to return to the world after you have trekked up snowy mountains and danced in the forests... and floated in the turquoise waters... and laid down to dream in the  green valleys... in the land of the giants

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Honor and the modern world

This is a response to Jack Ronin's  

Honor as I understand it to be is:

Integrity - Integrity is not compromising your moral and ethical principles, your word and your character. Integrity is knowing the lines you will not cross and standing firm on that decision no matter what threats or promises have been made.  Integrity is honesty, keeping your word, your promises, and following through on all deals made. Integrity is being true to yourself and not making excuses or apologies for living your life in pursuit of nobility or simply wanting to be a better person than those without integrity.

Dignity - Dignity is the manner in which you carry yourself without the absence of respect for yourself.  Dignity is being conscious of your appearance and your behavior and presenting yourself always in a manner worthy of respect. Dignity is never abandoning your Integrity.

Loyalty - Loyalty is being faithful to your brothers in arms, your family, your clan, your tribe, your religion and  your beliefs.  Loyalty is allegiance to one or all of the above and pacts of allegiance must be well considered and not made lightly - for making an oath is giving ones word and to break an oath is to compromise your Integrity.

Courage - Courage is the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger or pain without fear. The strength for courage comes from within, it is inspired and nourished by faith in ones beliefs and convictions (the fixed firmness of those beliefs).  Courage is not backing down, not compromising, and doing what is right - speaking the truth, acknowledging the truth an defending the truth in this dark modern world.

These four qualities make up a man of honor. The question the modern man in pursuit of a life of honor must ask himself is “is there room in the modern world for men of honor?”  For a man of these qualities is laughed at, shunned and persecuted in today’s world - if you are a white Christian heterosexual with conservative opinions and of  traditionalist values who believes in preserving your culture and  protecting the integrity and sovereignty of your nation - you have enemies my friend... and those enemies have no honor  -  they have no Integrity, for they are not honest and will compromise themselves for the attentions they will receive from their virtue signaling, they will compromise themselves for fame and money.  They have no Dignity.  They lack any respect for themselves as is plainly visible in the obese and unhealthy lifestyles they pursue, they deface themselves and their communities and call it self expression with out regard to the effect their actions have on others that do not wish to participate in their degenerate behavior - they will parade and dance down the street naked and simulating lewd acts in full view of children and to question their behavior is equal to you being a NAZI.  They have no Loyalty to any one and will throw each-other into the fire before they abandon their cause - fear of not being accepted by the hive is what keeps them loyal to their system not faith in their doctrines for history has shown the world  time and again that the system they are working for simply does not work - anywhere... and they have no Courage - for they will not debate with you but they will argue with you or shut you up completely - because they know they cannot win an argument or a debate... they do not acknowledge facts or the truth and  they dare not speak against the hive or state an opinion resembling disagreement with their agendas.  They only have the mob of weak men (that enable) and disgusting irresponsible women - without any loyalties to themselves, to their families, to their culture - they have no traditions they wish to preserve and they have no God to believe in therefore no faith to find true strength and courage... and what they want is for you to live as they live - fat, weak, miserable, docile, and afraid... consuming anything and everything the television tells you to and providing nothing of value to your community - nothing spiritual and uplifting, nothing truly useful and helpful to better ones life, even technology is at a standstill unless it is something that can be used to remove more privacy and keep the masses docile and submissive to their masters... is there room for men of Honor in the modern world?

Well... it is only because of men of honor that the world has not yet progressed into complete and total chaos - but it will be men of honor that return us to a world where men of honor are held with the respect they deserve... and that day cannot come too soon.

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

girls in color

color pencil and ink
Cindy and Jules

girls from a photo shoot
(quick, rough and dirty)

Saturday, March 25, 2017

quizas... la mitad que me faltaba

I thought at first  - stepping out of the shower, that it was one of those things that resemble memories, but might just be dreams caught between the physical and my subconscious... but I hear her sigh and the sound of the bed frame creak as she stretches out on my bed... I walked slowly to the door and peek in at my own room... and there she was... I turn to look at myself in the mirror... and shrug my shoulders at myself... I walk closer to the glass... and play with the stubble on my face... she moans the way I remember she does and again I turn to peek into the room... she’s still there... and yes, I am fairly certain that this is all real - but to have it on record - as sometimes is stated at the top of these Deringer Files - this is one man’s slow descent into insanity... sometimes I go to sleep and I never know where I will wake up - here (at this moment and time) or there (some other place)... that should ruin all my credibility... because I remember her leaving - I go over the day she left and the things we said and didn’t say... the looks we exchanged and the ones we should have... the kiss that slipped away and the moment I was certain I had lost her forever... and I remember thinking how this was the best thing for the both of us - because destiny is calling us both to different places... and different times... I told myself... and as I have so many times before... I walked away from her and the moment that might have gone another way - had I only not been so damn certain that I don’t need anything or anyone to fill that empty space inside of m that must be there for a reason... because, up to this point, nothing and no-one has been able to fill it up... and because I am an ass-hole.

I spent the last two week not doing anything of any importance - in fact, I allowed myself some time to just have some fun not giving a damn about anything - spent a couple of days trying to  track down an album on-line with a stranger I have never met... but still can’t find a copy of “For Lover’s Only” by Kimiko Itoh... someone made me an offer for my Dr. Zhivago, but I told him to go to hell because I don’t believed he deserved it... got drunk for a few days and gained ten pounds in one week... no running, no working out... flirting with every young girl I come across and have been pissing off fag boys in tight pants... and pantsuit women... made some quick trips in Mexico to look at some land and a building in Playa de Carmen... mostly just drinking and wasting time... because I got into one of those moods when I could care less about the world and it’s ridiculous problems... come on people, what the fuck... and she says that I am the most fun person to be around when I don’t care about anyone or anything... and it is true - in those selfish moments when there is no tomorrow and I say a prayer for the things that might go wrong before I  cut loose on the world... are the most fun times I have... and when did she say this... the first night...

She knows me... well, maybe not completely but she gets me... and for me - that’s a good sign... and she knows where to find me - for the most part...

We never stopped communicating after she left... she mostly sent pictures and mp3s of songs... and I would  respond with songs of my own and try to avoid those conversations she still wants to have - about a relationship that does not exist... and, honestly, I was doing all I could  to keep her filling up my inbox... and there was that letter I sent her that she may have mistook for a love letter... ladies and gentlemen of the jury - how serious can we take the words of a man that has stated online that he prefers the company of whores and lose young women... and have you read his poetry... please, how would any one believe his intentions to be noble with this young lady, whom, by her own admission, referred to the defendant as a drunken womanizer, and has run off strange women from the home of the accused on several occasions... she knew full well what she was getting into and what she would not be getting out of any relationship - if indeed any should ever exist... with this misunderstood client of mine... but yeah... that letter may have gone to far, because I was calling her out and this move of hers may just be her calling me on my own bull-shit... the games we have to play...

I can’t remember telling her where I was going to be that day but I must have - I promised to help someone out with a negotiation, but really, a couple of us were just accessories that looked good filling up the room - the things one does for tribe... boring business stuff that had nothing to do with me but there I was looking like I was there to rough someone up with UCC legal jargon and market quotes... but Roland and Caleb... they just looked good.  I did not know she would be waiting downstairs in the lobby... she was facing the windows.  I watched people walk by her stepping aside to give her more space as they looked her up and down... she stood like some one I knew and she dressed like some one that did not belong there... I watched strangers look at her as if they recognized her from some where but dismissed the thought as they were certain she was from some far off forgotten dream - and she is - out of place in our modern world... see, she carries herself the way women from the old world with old money carry themselves - protected and isolated from the problems of the world - from the reality of the chaos and the madness the rest of us have to dredge through daily... but she knows how the world is - its workings. Its deceptions and its painful realities... but she has the luxury and privilege of slipping back into that old world behind a stone wall and gate were the beautiful people sleep in safety... she did not belong there among these worker bees but there she was making some people uneasy and others feel lucky to have been able to have been in her presence... a few people just lingered about to see what she was going to do as they tried to figure out who exactly she was - because she looked very important - was she some sort of celebrity... a politicians daughter?

The closer I got I came to realize who she was... and I took a deep breath and steadied my soul - what have I done... I shook my head and tried to come up with a future alibi and a prayer for whatever may go wrong next... but the prayer came to slow... she turned around... and as her eyes went wide... the crowd around us could only stand still to hear the sound of her voice - perhaps it might not be a dream at all...

She smiles at me but all I could do was shake my head... but really, I didn’t know why.

She say - “what are you doing?”

I say - “ at this moment or with my miserable life... because the answer, I am sure to both, is... I have no idea...”

“I think you know exactly what you are doing - you just don’t want others to know that you really do”.

I say - “hmmn...” and smile.

She puts her index finger on my chest and says - “you look like a man who wants to show a girl a good time...”

and I say - “you look like a girl who wants to make some bad choices...”

She laughs but she looks like she wants to cry - her eyes begin to water and she says “make me laugh...”

“Make you laugh? Make me laugh...” and I was going to say something funny but she grabs the lapel of my coat and pulls me down to her and we kiss... the crowd around us is in disbelief... who the hell am I to even dare reach beyond the stars... she releases me and tears begin.  I pull her into me to hide her tears from the world - because they belong to me... and the crowd begins to thin out and disburse... perhaps she’s just one of us after all...

She pulls away and starts to say something but grabs my hand and leads my out the building and says lets get drunk and I ask her if she has any money and she laughs but I was being serious - I had no money... and I ask something I did not want to know the answer to - “does your father know you’re here?” and she said yes... so I ask “is he going to send some one after us?”

“Do you mean is he going to send some one after you?”
“Yeah... that’s what I mean”.
“No - but my mother might get one of my crazy cousins after you...”
“What did you father say?”
“That you will break my heart... but... you already broke my heart...”


We got drunk.

I do not believe in coincidence... and I know that all the events that lead to this are somehow my fault - for I did manipulate a lot of them to my favor... and she reminds me that I did say that sometimes you have to let things play out as they may... and I need to let it happen - last time... I did everything but let it happen...

I woke up this morning in this reality... and no... I don’t know what I am doing and I don’t know what will happen this time around... but she is in my kitchen... in my shirt, making breakfast... and it feels like Valparaiso... except now there’s kissing.
 lyrics by
Manuel Flores Monterrosas

Tu eres como el agua
que bebi de la montaña
tu eres esa lluvia
con la que se baña el alma

Eres una estrella
por la madrugada
eres luz que llena
todas mis mañanas

Tu tienes en los ojos
un lenguaje sin palabras
tu llevas en los labios
agua dulce azucarada

Tienes la belleza
que jamas mirara
eres una reyna
eres una dama

Tienes en los brazos
el calor que yo buscaba
sabes conprenderme
como yo necesitaba

Tienes la ternura
que yo no encontraba
eres simplemente
la mitad que me faltaba

Tienes la ternura
que yo no encontraba
eres simplemente
la mitad que me faltaba 

Tu dejas a tu paso
la mejor de las fragancias
tu entras en mis sueños
cuando se te da la gana

Me gusta tu cuerpo
Me gusta tu cara
y me gusta el ritmo
que lleva tu falda

Tienes en los brazos
el calor que yo buscaba
sabes conprenderme
como yo necesitaba

Tienes la ternura
que yo no encontraba
eres simplemente
la mitad que me faltaba

Tienes la ternura
que yo no encontraba
eres simplemente
la mitad que me faltaba

Sunday, March 19, 2017

The "Rampage" and hatred for the women of the modern world.

 This was a comment I left over at Charles Sledge's Journal on his post Having Hatred for Women will Destroy You.  had a conversation about the topic earlier with someone and I thought I would share this here - Also be sure to check out Charles' site - start with this fine article on women here .

I went through this myself - dark days.

When I was still young and stupid I was in a relationship that lasted six years - but it was a roller coaster of chaos. I let my love for her make me weak and put up with all her bullshit no matter how humiliating until the point I just couldn't do it any more... she married three months after I left and that destroyed me, and I went on a drinking and fucking rampage... and I fucked a lot! I didn't care about anything and anyone and who I hurt along the way and I hurt many women back then... but many just kept coming back for more... but I did not give one fuck about them... I just fucked. It wasn't until I was in my thirties when I decided on the man I wanted to be and started to move in that direction - I am pleased with the results so far but it took me a while to put the pieces together and to pay attention to my actions when I reflected back on my behavior and decisions and mistakes I made in my youth - thinking a certain way will make me act a certain way, acting a certain way will get me a certain responses from those around me - so, if I can control my thoughts I can control my actions and if I control the way I act I can control how others respond to me. But this also is a power I used to get me more women that I did not care about... when it was time to get laid I went out and found a woman dressed up like a whore and I treated her like one and she was mine for the night... and I moved on - yeah, I had a lot of hatred for women - I will admit that, and the fact that women were letting themselves be treated badly justified my treatment of them - I lost women, because I was weak, to dominant men that treated them badly - "the red pill"... before I knew what the fuck the red pill was (before it was called the red pill). I am these days a solitary man, I prefer to be honest and kind to everyone and to be left alone to live my life my way.... I know it is easier in life to not give a damn about anything - but, you get what you give in this universe , so now days, for me it is easier just to be a nice guy - but being a nice guy does not get me laid and it does not get me respect in the street. We have to create other personalities for the world in order to get certain things - game to get women, mindset to get success, savagery to get respect... it will take some work to pull it all together and still keep a little bit of that gentleness and kindness that we as men need to help us do that which is right. Those that know me - my gang and inner circle know that I am a chill dude that just wants a simple life, but this modern world complicates even the simplest things like relationships. That girl was my down fall but I had to go through it, I had to learn those painful lessons the hard way - even though it was a truth I already knew, but refused to come to terms with.

All men will go through that pain and all men will go through that period of hate. Most men will go through that enlightenment and put the pieces together and find that thing called "the red pill" and many will struggle with coming to terms with the truth of it, but for many men, I believe, it is best that they learn these lessons the hard way.

Oh, in the last twenty years I have only been in one relationship with a woman that lasted a year, but all the others have not gone more than six months. Now that I am on a quest for a woman to have a family with I am behaving differently with women but I am also looking at them differently and they are responding to me differently but I am also spending less time with the tramps... we'll see what happens


Wednesday, March 15, 2017

The Joy of Little Things

It's good the great green earth to roam,
Where sights of awe the soul inspire;
But oh, it's best, the coming home,
The crackle of one's own hearth-fire!
You've hob-nobbed with the solemn Past;
You've seen the pageantry of kings;
Yet oh, how sweet to gain at last
The peace and rest of Little Things!

Perhaps you're counted with the Great;
You strain and strive with mighty men;
Your hand is on the helm of State;
Colossus-like you stride . . . and then
There comes a pause, a shining hour,
A dog that leaps, a hand that clings:
O Titan, turn from pomp and power;
Give all your heart to Little Things.

Go couch you childwise in the grass,
Believing it's some jungle strange,
Where mighty monsters peer and pass,
Where beetles roam and spiders range.
'Mid gloom and gleam of leaf and blade,
What dragons rasp their painted wings!
O magic world of shine and shade!
O beauty land of Little Things!

I sometimes wonder, after all,
Amid this tangled web of fate,
If what is great may not be small,
And what is small may not be great.
So wondering I go my way,
Yet in my heart contentment sings . . .
O may I ever see, I pray,
God's grace and love in Little Things.

So give to me, I only beg,
A little roof to call my own,
A little cider in the keg,
A little meat upon the bone;
A little garden by the sea,
A little boat that dips and swings . . .
Take wealth, take fame, but leave to me,
O Lord of Life, just Little Things

Robert William Service

Monday, March 13, 2017

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Young man lost in the modern world

This is part of a letter to a friend.  I later shared this here, at The Gentleman's Club. And now I am am sharing it here.

I was still in my early twenties and I was in a relationship with a young girl that made me crazy (and weak). I was uneducated and trying to find good work doing anything really – I was hustling on the side doing whatever I could to make money, mostly working in night clubs promoting or throwing my own parties in Juarez, but I wanted something more – like all young men, and looking for someone to teach me something… college was not for me and I was not about to join the military – I figured out as a young man that the only winners in wars are the ones selling the guns and loaning out the money. There was no one around to teach me anything not even how to pull off a decent hustle. My parents had nothing important to teach me, my brothers weren’t going to teach me and all the other men in my life were clueless… and I did ask older men for advice, no one had anything to offer but stupid sayings that really will do you no good when you are young and trying to build an important life – and that is what I wanted when I was young. Everything I knew I taught myself… it would not be until many failures that men would come into my life and help me relearn all that I thought I knew and help me to fine tune and work out the kinks in what I had learned on my own… and to these men I will always owe a dept of gratitude and kindness… remember that last statement – I will circle back around to it later.

He was an engineer of some kind – this old man that slammed the door in my face…
My girl friend’s mother had gone through three or four live in boyfriends since I knew them, this old worthless fart was the last one I knew before I left that girl and I do not remember his name – it is not important as the man himself is not important and deserves no kindness or respect from me other than what I already gave him when I knew him – No, I never disrespected him, nor was I ever rude to him or my girl’s mother… they however showed very little kindness to me and what ever bits of civility came only for the sake of the girlfriend…

Back then, as today, I did not drive (I have always had personal problems with licenses and permits) and took the bus or I would walk – I walked to her apartment – they were always changing apartment… it was not a far walk from where I was but I wanted to see her – I do not know why anymore but I made the walk to her place and knocked on the door – the old man opens the door and I greet him politely and ask to see her… he tells me she can not see me and that I cannot just show up whenever I like… I am confused and say I did not know it would be a problem and that I just need a moment with her. He tells me that it is a problem and that she cannot come to the door – I say I can wait outside for her – he says – “it’s time for you to leave” and I (really confused) say – “why are you so rude, I have never done anything” and he looks at me and says – “that is why…” It took me a moment to figure out what he just said and I quickly put together that because I had done nothing with my life I was not good enough to be with this young girl that he was not remotely related to in any way shape or form – not in this reality at least… and I, out of desperation, could only shrug my shoulders with palms open ready to receive wisdom that would make me a better young man, a young man worthy of just a little bit of respect from the world… I was pleading in silence… in simple but unmistakable gestures… give me something old man… point me in the right direction… give me a stupid saying from your generation… a bible quote… any little bit of advice… nothing… he didn’t even shake his head in disgust at me, he just shut the door and left me there looking and feeling like a fool…

Worthless piece of old man shit – I hope he burns in hell. That was very un-Christian of me to say and it is the behavior of a pissed off bitter little boy… well, that was just how it affected me… I do not remember that man’s name but I will never forget that moment… I do not remember what followed that… a lot of my memories of those days get jumbled up in the alcohol and drug haze that came after I broke up with the girl – but my memory tries to tell me that I stuck around outside waiting for her to come out – I can’t be certain nor do I even recall if I spoke to her about what happened… but I don’t think I did nor do I believe she would have actually given a fuck about it…

Even nice guys aren’t good enough – and that proved it to me – it was, to this day the only time a man shut the door on me – I have had men tell me they disapprove of me being with their daughters but they never slammed the door on me. They never tried to stop me or prevent me from seeing their daughters but they never slammed the door on me – I have never been disrespectful to any girls parents nor have I ever been rude to any of them… even when I was falling into the abyss and lost myself in the fucking rampage… but no one ever offered me a helping hand or a kind word of warning or advice… and so it was.

Since then – the things I have done with my life… well, most of them are bad things, most had no honor in them and were done mostly for my own greed and not for the betterment of mankind and the world and not really for my own personal growth – just greed… get it out of the way while you’re young and you can… and the good things – there weren’t many and no one is going to care really – no one will remember you for the good things you did – I truly believe that – the world does not want a hero, it does not want a good and righteous man to come and remind them of how worthless their own life is… the world is begging for a strong dominant leader to save them from themselves and give them a painful spanking with soothing words afterwards – “it’s not your fault, but daddy’s here now to show you the right way”, a leader who will do all the thinking for you while you zombie out on facebook and sports t.v. and dancing with the has been. This is not the age of the hero but of the villain. It is an age where the good guy truly will finish last – if he finishes at all. It is an age when the man of honor and integrity is laughed at and shunned for his loyalties and his pride and for his beliefs – it is the age of the victim where the man who has built a successful life is portrayed as the oppressor and the dignified hard working traditionalist is the equivalent of a member of the NAZI party… insane, I know. But this is the world we live in – where good men surrender their dignity to board an airplane and silence their true feelings just to hold onto their miserable jobs. Remember (name) we live in a world where women do not want nice guys, a world where the women that cry rape culture sweep the raping of Europe under the rug… a world where the kids that occupied Wall Street throw their full support for a woman that had all the financial backing of Wall Street and the Globalist elite… No, the good things you do for the world or for others will only be remembered by men of honor and those men are few and hard to find.

My last mentor, Dagmar’s father, is a man that became successful by helping other men. He became important by taking lost young men and turning them into men of honor and built a network of business men, attorneys, doctors, politicians, financiers, brokers and bankers, and even soldiers and a hustler here and there. He got to where he is by doing favors and collecting on those favors, not by collecting other men’s secrets but by sharing his own and sharing his vast network of disciples with – his vast network of disciples, of course… Don’t know why he took me in – nor why the other men that helped me helped me when they did – they were men I never asked anything of, but they helped me up, dusted me off and took me in and tried to teach me something – I know I was a stubborn and difficult pupil and went about taking the long hard road to learn the lessons they tried to help me avoid… but I got there eventually. The Master pointed me in the direction and gave me space and time to absorb and learn and made himself available to ask all the questions I needed to ask and provided me with the best answers he could give and if there was something he could not answer, together we would find the solution – it is the way he did things. He showed me his world, his life… his reality and made me believe it was in reach for someone like me… I did not accept his offer to go study under another man which he had helped – a man in his network of disciples and learn to make a living in a respectable field as the others… I had to do things on my own – but, I do wish I had decided back then on the life I wanted and taken him up on the offer and gone to work in a brokerage back then instead of doing it alone.

Earl Nightingale tells us that success is “the progressive realization of a worthy goal” and that success is a man doing what he wants to do because that is what he wanted to do and he is doing a good job at it – very true words as far as my own beliefs and I do not compare my life to others – I do not compare what I have or what I do not have… how I live and how I do not live to the lives of others… I live my life in pursuit of the life I wish to have and form and shape my reality into the way I want it in accordance to the life of the man I wish to be… But (name), this also is true, and it is true for the most humble of men to the most powerful of men in the measurement of success and I learned this from my teacher – it is not something he told me or ever hinted at, it is something I learned from observation and the only thing that I do use to measure my own success… in comparison to other men, that is – the number of men you can rely on to help you out – no questions asked, when you find yourself  in need of assistance no matter what that might be… and there it is. You do not need to be a powerful man. You do not need to be a wealthy man, but in life, sometimes shit happens and when it happens, who can you call on, knowing without a doubt, that the one you call on will be there for you. For Dagmar’s father, I am, as many other men scattered around the world ready to offer the man my help in any way shape or form if it is needed with out him having to ask -no questions asked, I am there. The same goes for the other men that helped me… even if all debts of honor have been payed in full.

A man can do anything alone and be answerable to no man, he can build his life without debts to another and be proud of what he has accomplished in the world and the life he built and many have done just that, unfortunately, many of those man only have their financial success and their material wealth by which they define their lives and if they were to lose it all they have nothing in this world – because they did it alone and in their minds they were the penthouse apartment, they were the Bentley, they were the brand tagged on their inside coat pocket. They are nothing without the fame, the prestige and the attention. They are nothing without the hangers on and the ass kissers riding the free-loader express… nothing. But on the other hand – the man with a tribe behind him to help him up when the chips are down who have little concern for your ego but allows you the dignity of face that will offer you a job to help you get back on your feet, a place to rest in exchange for work around the farm, a contact in a foreign city to help get you out of a pickle… that in itself is worth a couple of pounds of gold for certain men of honor.

For the most part – I have done it all alone and I had, at one point, defined my life by material possessions and the digits in my bank account. Fortunately (or unfortunately), life knows when to kick a man in the dick, and I know what it is to be out on the street and I know what it is to not have a penny in your pocket and what it is like to go without warmth and food and the kind word of a friend and out of pride (and stupidity) I would not even call my family for help. But I rose up – it took a long time and it was a struggle and I did find help along the way, but I can now honestly say that at forty seven I am basically the same kid I was when I was seventeen… a bit more quiet, dark sense of humor, loner, still suspicious and paranoid and trust very few people, I have a tendency to slip into self destructive periods of not giving a fuck about anything and anyone and I am still looking for Jesus everywhere I go and a little bit of beauty in the world to sooth the demon in me that wants to burn it all to the ground… and if I lost it all and had to start over again I would be the same man I am in the dark shadow as I am in the bright light. I am the same man I am with a fashion model as I am with a waitress, the same man I am with my gang as I am with my family… if I had no money I would be the same man, the only difference between the character of the boy I was when I was seventeen and the man I am today is that today I know how to make money and if I lost it all again I would just pick myself up, dust myself off and get to work getting it back – you see, once you have learned how, you can’t unlearn it, but as far as the consistency of my character… it wont change any more – this is who I am and this is what you get – also (name) this is import, and it’s a truth that will help you very much in the long run with women and their shit tests – they want to see that consistency of your character – if the first impression of you is a strong willed bad boy… that is what they want you to be for ever, they want you to do what you say you will do, say what you mean and mean what you say, do not bend or break for them or anyone else – that is the point of the shit test – can I break this man… will he change for me… is the will of his character strong enough… does he define his life by what he has or is it something deeper within that can not be taken away and will not be surrendered – it is why women have no respect for weak men that kiss their ass and why they do not appreciate anything you do for them or give them just because they asked for it… a man with a strong will of character is the kind of man that others want to be lead by – a man who can make a hard decision with out hesitation and answer for his mistakes later but with out regrets… this I have learned in my life. The other difference in my life from the boy to the man is the tribe I have built and the men I have gathered around me that I might never find myself without someone to rely on at three in the morning with no questions asked to help my out of a pickle – no matter what that might be.

This past year I have been corresponding with many new friends online giving advice and trying to solve problems and coming up with solutions to remedy the madness of the world… I hope I am proving valuable answers. When I was young there was no ‘Return of Kings’ there was no ‘Roosh V Forum’ there was no Victor Pride and all of these other countless resources for young men to go to to find help and advice from men that have been there and men that are doing it – from getting women to making money. Since others started to e-mail me with enquiries and asking for advice I have tried to help them all. I have not refused but one request for advice – I feel bad about that one but I felt I was not ready to give advice but it turns out that I am – but that final judgement is yours, if there is something I do not have the answer to we will try to find it together or find another in the network that can… that is what I am trying to build – aside from the tribe, a network… as my teachers had built. I can only hope that I can do as good of a job as they did and that before I slam the door on a young man, I will at least have a helpful word of advice for him before I do so.
 art by
Pam Powell