We have always been the resistance

some kind of magic

It was too good - it couldn't last

this is a public response to a private letter

(for the record... and these files)

Well girl... you found me...

Now what?

Pick up where we left off...

Watching you walk away... to go back to him – whoever he was... I never knew and I never cared... the only thing that mattered was what was real when you were with me... if it was real at all... and at this phase of my life... I don't care any more to know... because these days I don't know what's real anymore any way...

But you played a good game... we made some fine love... and when we locked ourselves away in my little room there was nothing outside our universe and the world we created... only God could make it any better... but as you reminded me... you had to leave... and as you remind me... I had nowhere to go and nowhere to be... what good could I have been to you outside that room?

But as I have told others that find their way here – you never got a chance to see me shine... but yeah... maybe I have just hit my prime... so here I am... and as you may have guessed... I am very much the same man... I have no real ambition... but life has gotten easier... and I can afford to not care and just lounge around... there is plenty and nothing to worry about except how to keep it... just saying... I'm the same ass-hole I was before I got it... I am still – apparently... worthless... outside the bedroom... but I have you to thank for those skills in a big way...

You taught me how to fuck... you know what I mean... it's all we did – for three days – some times four days straight... every man should get so lucky to find a girl like you – but you found me, that's right... and you left when the thrill of it all was over for you... or something like that – doesn't matter –

no...

I do not think bad about you – the only memories I have of you are - sex... what else was there... I can barely recall our conversations... what the hell did we talk about in those moments between the love making...?

I have never spoken of you – though I have made references to the girl that taught me how to fuck... never mentioned you by name and never acknowledged you publicly until now – and I have thought of you often... even after having sex with other women... because the move I had just used on her to drive her into an orgasmic mental break down – I had mastered with you – respect...

I can only smile when I think of you – I hope you feel the same way about me...

 so...

Let's just leave it as it ended... going our different ways... with nothing left behind but the fading echoes of the love we made in that little universe on Grand Avenue...

suit up... lock and load.

Aristocrats... revolt

REVOLT

against the modern world

a match-book collection

is like a box full of stories...

Base One

Filed Under - her side of the story

There is not enough tequila in the whole damn country to help me forget these last twenty four hours.

And just how much of this disaster am I responsible for - probably all of it... probably all of it...

When I fuck things up I really fuck things up... talent.

This may very well be the last post I make at these Deringer Files - it was fun while it lasted - but I can't deal with other peoples insanity when I have my own to deal with -it is just not fun any more and what started out as an experiment in therapy may have turned into a complete disaster - someone has it out for me - but I will still be around... lurking and you can always find me here rifling through these files.

We close it all with this letter that the girl we call Dagmar sent me today - since others claiming to be who I believe them not to be are giving their side of the story - and many of them just don't make any God damn sense whatsoever... She decided to throw hers into the damn hat as well...so here it is a little bit of crazy, from the only letter I know to be genuine...

Drink up amigos... I am way ahead of you.

When my father first brought you home you were a mess, your face was still swollen and bloody and cut up, you could not see out of one eye, your jaw was busted, you walked like an old dog from the street that was run over by a car that destiny kept alive for her own perverted amusement.

And you freightened me. I hid behind my oldest sister and my mother, but you don't remember that because you could not see well. I looked at you through the small space between them and hide my face from you.

You looked like a monster. You were broken and I remember my mother saying that night to my father (when my parents thought I had gone to sleep but I could not, because there was a strange monster in the house), my mother said you were beyond fixing, that you were too lost in your hatred and anger and that you were a ghost in the world that death did not even want.

I did not know then what my mother meant about all those things because I was so young but I truly do remember those words she was saying.

I would not understand them until many years later when I would find out how true it is that you are damaged beyond the help of the shamans you go hunting for.

But I think they are all just too sad to tell you the truth my love – this bitch of a life beat you good and hard and no matter how much you try to pretend that you are over it all – you are not, and you do not belong here among the barely living in this shit world of ours

But here you are always a step ahead of the reaper, but maybe like my mother says, he gets close enough and realizes that it's you and he throws you back.

I know I am not the first person to tell you this and I will not be the last – you were not made for these times we are in.

Your dreams are beyond this worlds understanding. Your soul is lonely for a time that may never had existed. Your heart breaks for a love that can never fill you up, because it is something you simply do not believe in anymore

And I know that and I accept that, but I do not have to like it.

But here is what I think, my lovely dreamer, and it is the truth that every one knows but you.

You have to empty your heart of the love you did not get to give before you can fill it with the love I want to give you............................ I said it. But you already know.

Querido mongolon, I know the truth. I have spoken with Frankie, and everyone who has met him and heard the true story of that romance you scaled down to just some passing affair as you made your way back home, some little fling with another young girl - sick and lonely and afraid – that you crawlled out of the depths for only to stumble back down into it when she was gone. It was more than what you make it out to be.

And the way Frankie tells it – that was a love that only Russian poets could dream up and the city of Asuncion has the scars and scorches of that romance on it still as proof of the love you made, poeta, as you said – “where is the proof I will leave behind for the love I made”

It is there. Cris knows it, Jan knows it, Tommy knows it, and Dom knew it. My father knows it – the whole damn tribe knows it. And you know it. But you wish to deny it.

She is the one that broke you – not that Elsa. And that girl Carmen, stupid girl, is just another poor victem of the passion that you scoundered on the slow train into hell. You damn stupid fool.

I want to tell you.

I like the way you remember me and the way you tell me the stories of when I was young. You remember it all different than the rest do, but you were always watching me as a stranger from the shadows even when you were in the light. You were always distant from the family, from the crowd. Watching over me like a guardian angel – that one outcast trying to buy his way back home by looking after some spoiled brat girl – you were that wounded dog in my fathers house... that is what we called you. My mother started that, she was so cruel to you, but I imagine all mothers have been cruel to you.

The wounded dog in my fathers house. That loyal dog that sat at the masters feet waiting with dignity and pride for the scraps from the table. To proud to beg and to broken to run away. And that mean little girl tugging at your broken ear and teasing you and calling you names and sticking her tongue at you.

But you were there to chase the other monsters away and you watched over us in the night, sitting in the dark looking out the window at the night - I watched you many times just looking and listening for other ghosts and monsters and you never slept until the sun started to come out and then you would close your eyes and pretend to wake up.

But I knew you did not sleep. Did you know that I watched you. Did you know that I knew your secret.

I have been collecting and uncovering your secrets since I was little

But I do not want to know them all because I do not want to know the whole truth about the wounded dog in my fathers house.

My father never told me about what happened to you and how he found you and all the things that really led to how you came to be that broken dog from the street. I have never asked him and I have never asked you and I never will – but will oneday the truth I uncover, and then learn something that should have stayed unspoken and undcovered?

I'll tell you when I knew.

It was when I had gotten mad at my mother and sisters and I said I was going to run away and I ran away into the fields with only my bag with a notebook and a markers and my hair brush and I was out there all day until it started to get dark and when I came out of the field you were sitting in the middle of the path just looking into the direction of where I wlked out... just sitting there waiting for me and I started to cry and you carried me back home.

You did not say anything you just let me cry and I wanted to say I was sorry for being mean to you all the time but then I thought you might think I was weak if I did tell you but you let my cry all the way home and you did not say anything and you put me down before we got to the house and let me walk in on my own.

And I walked past my mother without saying anything and I walked past my father and went to my room

But then I stopped to look back at my father and he looked at you and that was when he knew that you were going to be part of our lives forever.

That is what he said.

And my mother knew it too. But honestly, I do not really know why my mother has it in for you... well maybe now because she hates that I feel the way I do for you, but for back then, I could not figure it out, but once we were at church and it is one time when father was worried about you that my mother lited a candle for you and she said for you to be safe (so that father could stop to worry about you)... did you never expect that to happen my love.

You were right about saying that you were the most worse student of my father. He did say it too, but his love for you was always there and you are with the most favorite of people in the world for him.

My father is getting old dear, and I hope that you will returnsoon to see him.

Do you know that my father always knew everything you were doing, where you were and when you were in trouble and that when you joined up with Cris and Dom that he always followed you and what you were up to – I know that you know that but when we are sitting at the table eating and my father would look upset (it was the only time he would get upset or worried was when it was about you, because my father is a strong and smart man and you know he does not worry about anything) but when he was upset everyone knew that it was because he had been given news from someone in the network about you.

And my mother would look at my father and he would shake his head and raise his hands the way apologetic fathers do trying to find and excuse for their bad sons and say “Victor... I just don't know” and he would look over at me and shake his head and he would say “That boy never learns” and he would say the grace and we would eat and my mother would start to talk about something and I would ask what happened to Victor and my mother would yell at me and my father would just make something up that was nothing about you.

But he did then and still does today keep track of all these men but there are some that everyone knows are his favorites and they seem to be the most broken ones like you.

My father says that you are chasing after the phantoms of disaster and the world will destroy itself without any help from you if you just let it happen it will – but father refuses to see that the anger of the young boy has flourished into something more fierce now in the man.

Let the world fall apart my love as we watch from the mountains or far off from the shore – like you have said before. It does not need you but to put out the flames on the final night when it is time for those better men to rebuild it all... and then you must slip away into the shadows again, because that new world will have no place for the men that did the slaughtering, the way the world casts away broken soldiers and what else do you have to give this world and what else is there for you to take from it but my love.

And now it is my turn to tell you

Yes I am afraid.

I am afraid of the anger that you keep at bay for my sake when I am around. I am afraid of the hatred that still grows that you will never get rid of. I am afraid of that pain that still burns inside of you because I know it will never fade. I am afraid of the ghost that you chase – Veronica, because no woman will ever be able to compete with her. And I am afraid when you go chasing after the ghost of her in those dark places in the night and in your mind and in your soul, because darling maybe one day you will not come back and maybe up to now you have been lucky... but that devil wants his pound of flesh... I know, you already made your deal, but I know you too well, my love, you still have debts that need to be paid in those dark places on the run.

I am afraid that I can not give you what you need or want and I am afraid that you might not give me what I need and want and I am afraid that maybe what this is is not love but something more simple and less expensive and that it is something than can be easily discarded or forgotten and left behind in some closet... like the way you tried to forget Veronica.

Who will you find to guard that shoe box of the memories of me Victor?

I am afraid of the things you will write about me when I have lost you to the ghost.

I am afraid that you will not abandon that road.

But I want you to abandon that road and we will lock ourselves up in Valparaiso or run away to the Black Sea and you can write poems and stories that no one will ever read and seduce me with your lies and leave me a broken mess – wreck my mind and crush my soul and drive my passion into madness... give me the love you would have given Veronica – I am afraid that if you really gave me the chance, I would crush all that is left you you my sweet monster, because yes, I have always been crazy but you did not ever help the situation - I would crush what is left of you and cut out your heart and build a new alter to the Godess of Blah Blah Blah and all those mad poets and wandering souls that the world abondoned, those dreamers and the fools for love that could not hold back the pain and the fury of their desire that only had the options of love or death – can find a place to rest under that alter that I will cover with the words you hid from this bitch of a world - what better way to go out my love.

I am afraid that I may never know the ghost of love the way you chase her.

I am afraid that maybe I too will ende up marying a man I do not love.

But maybe this is not love at all

You do not have to love me and I do not have to love you - isn't that what you said once to another woman? You don't have to love me to sit in silence with me and breath in the same moment with me.

This is true.

All of it and maybe I did not say it all the right way.

But there.

And I am afraid that one day I will lose this feeling and I will not come running back to you when you call me.

And I am afraid now that this letter is over that the moment I was running to and that you were running from has passed.

Because now

I can't do it anymore.

Forever,

D.

And then she wrote me another one telling me off like no woman has ever told me off before - it was absolute gold... and on that note...

he found a girl and they danced out of sight...

the serpent and the cross

REVOLT...

Dash Deringer’s Advice to Young Men:

 WOMEN

I will be forty eight years old in a few days... what a ride it’s been - especially the missing years and the wasted years weren’t all that bad either - there was always a lesson to be learned... and the girls... mamma mia, the girls... I have had some fine pussy my friends... most of them where insane and many were down right whores, sluts, tramps... liberated women or whatever the hell they call themselves - they were dirty bitches... but I will be fair, there were some along the way that were worth the wait and got some kindness and respect from me...but they still were not worthy of getting the very best of me... because they are, after all still girls in this modern world and despite of what others tell you, young friend - they are all the same... no matter where you go and how old they are, they are all the same.
           
Not bitter  - I have accepted  the reality of the observations and conclusions of all the women that have come and gone in my life - the reality of their actions, not the lies they repeat over and over... but the way they act and treat others and their manipulations and deceit, their attention whoring and need for drama and validation, their total lack of any honor or dignity or modesty and self respect.  Believe all you want to believe but here’s the truth - a woman who isn’t like that is wearing a hijab and there is a strong man holding her leash in on hand and a stick to beat her with in the other.

Women dig jerks... they love ass-holes... understand this and except this as gospel - a women is not going to ride in and save you like in the movies... a woman does not want a man that she needs to rescue nor can she.  She hates weak men and men that enable her foolish desires... she has no respect for the white knight telling her what she wants to hear, she has no respect for the white knight coming to her rescue on the internet, she has no respect for the white knight cheering her on “you go girl!” and most important, she is not going to thank you with sex and love and devotion for it... but that ass-hole who doesn’t respect her is going to bang her.

You will double your chances getting more women if you do this one thing - live your life in pursuit of your own fucking happiness.  Whatever it is that you are after you must go after that thing with all your mind body and soul, with all your faith and determination and you, my friend, will become a force of nature - the world will gravitate to you and around you... but I know you are a sexually frustrated young man and all work and no play will get to you  - so get a whore and get your ass back to building your dream.  The women will come to you.

But you are young and you don’t know yet what the hell you want out of life but want to get laid...  Come to terms with this truth - women will bang a loser douchebag - if he provides her with drama and an emotional roller coaster ride and he’s got some narcotics... she will fuck the shit out of you... think women hang with garage band douchbags because they have talent or wanna be gansta’ rappers because they are going places... no. 

If the only thing a woman is bringing to the table is her vagina - show her as little kindness and respect as you can - in fact set your standards so high with women that they have to work hard for that respect.  Don’t put her on a pedestal - she does not deserve to be there, she doesn’t want it and you will be disappointed when she leaves you for an ass-hole.  There is only so much bull-shit you can take from a woman before you snap - and they want to know how much in takes for you to break  - they want to see what you are made of - how will you respond to their shit tests.  I do one of  two things. 1) I think about captain Rhet Butler of ‘Gone with The Wind’ and wonder “what would Rhet do” and I do that - so pick your hero, real or fiction and ask yourself how that person would respond or react to something and do that. 2) a give her a ‘hmmmn...’  I am going to do my best to describe this - it is a half sigh half grunt breathing out from the nose with the lips closed while releasing a ‘hmmmn as you breath out while nodding your head slowly... sometimes I throw in a devious grin at the end... she isn’t going to know what the hell that means but it makes her wonder and worry and puts her on guard - I stumbled across that one by accident but it works... she will push you for your response but only because she is worried about what is going through your mind... walk away in silence if you can, if you are in a position where you cannot walk away then just keep that grin, look her dead in the eye and nod in agreement with whatever the fuck she said... it is a pretty good chance you are going to end up dumping this bitch or she will dump you - so really... fuck her like a whore one more time and get out... practice the ‘hmmmn’ like you would your poker face and master it... I know... fucking games - but remember we didn’t event the game or it’s rules... play your game with your rules and see how she responds to it.

Women want you to be consistent in your character - they want you to be a man - at all times. Say what you mean and mean what you say - do not bend or break for them... your will must be stronger than hers... your reality must be resolute and unchangeable... your frame must be firm and steady like a ship at the bottom of the sea - it’s not moving any more... that is who she wants to surrender to... the man that is in control of his emotions, his mind, his life and his destiny and he will not surrender non of it to anyone for anything - not even her.

Do you need money to get women - it helps, but not needed. If you are a man of strong character whether you are a douche or a monk and you show that you are the same man with or with out her, rich or poor, through good times or bad times... you are who you are without apologies, excuses or explanations... you will be more attractive to her... because that my friend is a man - good or bad... that is what makes a man.

Remember to never take anything she says too serious no matter how she says it but to judge her purely by her actions.  Lay down the law from the beginning of a relationship and be swift and just in punishing bad behavior. Dominate her and the relationship if it is a relationship you wish to maintain - you are the boss, the daddy... the king.  If you are just fucking her, don’t care so much about her... if she isn’t investing anything into the relationship - not cooking for you, cleaning for you, inspiring you and allowing you space and independence to pursue your dreams and is not supporting your efforts in bettering yourself and creating a better life... then, my friend, she’s just your whore, don’t get emotional over her. 

SEX - fuck her like there is no tomorrow... fuck her like you will be serving a life sentence in prison the next day... like you have been chosen for a suicide mission for your country and you know you won't be coming home... fuck her like she was your hostage and a S.W.A.T. team is waiting for you outside to take you out like a man should go - in a blaze of glory... because there is no tomorrow...

Women do not know what the hell it is that they want - they are followers, they need guidance, and they need a firm controlling hand - Feminism and Islam... is just another shit test. Feminism and Islam are not compatible, they are two ideas in conflict and at odds with each other - there is absolutely no room for feminism in Islam.  For a feminist to say that she accepts Islam is her openly stating that she accepts the dominance of a man... and that is what all women truly want - to be dominated and led by a man... not a boy that thinks he is but a man who knows he is - a man... but they will test you and push you and drive you to the edge to see if you are that man... and many unfortunate silly bitches have the shit beat out of them because they didn’t know when to stop.  Feminism is and always has been a shit test - the feminist/Islam marriage is the last card they have to play.  There is no room for slutish behavior in Islam. There are no marches for women’s rights in Islam.  There are no girls night out in Islam.  There is no abortion in Islam.  There is no divorce in Islam - when they held the women’s march after the new president took office in one photo of the event I saw a woman holding a sign up that had that girl Malala on it  - these woman where praising Islam and their acceptance of Sharia law and marching with signs that had Malala’s face on them - Malala was the young Pakistani  girl pulled out of a buss and shot by the Taliban for going to school - so what the fuck were these crazy bitches marching for - to empower women or to shoot the girls getting an education... confused?   Don’t be - it’s all a joke.  And this  feminism - loves Islam meme is the punch line.

Learn what you can about “game” - “game” is nothing more than understanding the psychology of women - the why’s and how’s of their thinking... making sense of their make no sense logic and emotionally driven choices... their insecurities and their fears and how to use it all to your advantage... use it for good or for evil but learn it and use it or find yourself alone for the rest of your life... If I recommend one book on the subject to help you out - it would be Robert Greens ‘the Art of Seduction’ - study it like you were going for your BAR exam... while you are at it go ahead and pick up ‘48 laws’ as well.

Love - I believe in love... I remember being in love - I remember how it made me weak for it and I remember the strength I gained from it... love, is a beautiful wonderful thing... and I hope to hold it in my hands once more... but...

I have been, since 1996, fucking them and dumping them, that now... I wouldn’t know what to do with love if it found me... nor would I even trust in it anymore... and believe it or not I am on a quest for a woman to have children with... but, as I have said before - I have never known a woman that married for love... why should I...

And that young man is the price you pay for a life of chasing woman in this modern world - you lose your innocence and you lose faith in all of them.

the fine art of lounging with Dash Deringer

My mornings are taken up mostly with a lot of this...

but when that is over and I have nothing to do or don't have the motivation to go out and laugh at the new world faggots of the modern world or I am not hiking up a mountain or rolling down that mountain... then my time is invested in doing mostly this...

lounging.

I also spend a fair amount of time scheming... which many may mistake as brooding... though I do tend to do a lot of that as well... but mostly it's the scheming... but because many parts of my body are in constant pain I do not smile and it forces a look of deep concentration on my face... but it could also sometimes be the brooding...

 

and then of course it could just be that I wish to be left alone because...

no fucks given..

Happy New Year.

The Darkness

It starts with whispers... it comes like a gentle voice in the stillness of my solitude... it is seductive...

But then...

It taunts me and it mocks me and the more I try to ignore it... it just howls louder and laughs at my weakness... “you're weak...” it whispers in my mind... “ what are you gonna do... punk?”

I ignore it...

“Faggot...”

I walk away...

“Pussy...”

I make myself busy... or pretend to be...

“Why the fuck haven’t you just killed yourself yet...”

I grab a bottle of whiskey...

“That’s right... try to find your courage in that bottle and cry... bitch... and then go out and do something stupid... or call one of your whores to come over so you can fuck your fears away... I’ll be here all night... puto...”

I grab the bottle by the neck.  I see his shadow crawl on the wall and throw the bottle at him...

It shatters... and he laughs...

He crawls into the mirror... and I trap him... in my stare.

He speaks - “tell you what... give me one good reason why we shouldn’t... and I’ll let you go...”

I have no good reasons - “you know you want to... I can feel it... I can smell the anger in you... I can taste the blood of that savage fury... I burn with that rage... I have been burning with it since you were a boy... we can’t carry it any longer... we can’t put it out... we can only let it spread... give me one good reason... and I’ll let you go...”

I have been angry since I was a boy.  Angry that my father left.  Angry for being poor.  Angry for  being shy and small and meek... angry for being awkward and solitary... angry for not being heard... angry for being afraid... angry for not ever being told what the reasons were for all the changes in my life that others were controlling...  And anger for not being able to express my feelings on the matter... that anger just got pushed down... into a hole... in my mind... and  it left a stain on my soul.

And then... I was angry at being taken from my country... and angry for losing my culture and my language and my heritage... angry for abandoning who I wanted to be to fit in with the other kids... angry for not being taught any thing useful... angry for not knowing how to become a man... angry for being betrayed by those I trusted... angry for people blaming me for their stupid shit... angry for not chasing my dreams and not finding the ones I went after... angry for giving up... angry for her... for the love I wasted... for the time I wasted... for not knowing how to keep her... angry for all the women... all the whores... all the worthless fucking that amounted to nothing in the end... angry for losing my faith and not recognizing love when it finally arrived... angry for the ones I did hurt... and  the ones that hurt me...

And I pushed it all deep down into a hole in my mind... and the stain on my soul grew a little bit heavier.

And then... I was angry when I learned the truth and when I came to terms with the truth... that someone should have told me when I was young... and I was angry for the lies on top of lies that I had always been fed... angry for the friends I lost and the moments I had that I let slip away... angry for the times I let others use me and take advantage of my kindness... of my weakness... of my fears... my desperation... angry for the things I lost that I thought I needed and angry for the money I wasted on them... angry for letting myself slip into the despair and the darkness... that weakness when it grabs hold of me... that took years to crawl out form... angry for the wasted years and the missing years  - the time that I cannot make up or buy back or trade my soul for... angry for the things I said and did and the deals I made that I cannot take back... angry for the devil that chases me... angry for this broken body... my shoulders...my legs... my foot... my mouth... this ear...  Angry for those demons in the night... angry for those trying to shove their beliefs on me... for those trying to take my beliefs away...   angry for this world I can not save - we wont save it... angry because I know all we can do is burn it down... angry for being so fucking angry all the time and trying to keep it reigned in... angry for having to come back in from the wild... from the sea... from the darkness... angry for the destiny I have chosen... for knowing that I will die alone... and  I will.

I look into his eyes... the room lit by the soft glow of candles dancing and reflecting from room to room in this old house... “I can’t think of a good reason not to burn the mother-fucker down... and not spill the blood of the weak, degenerate, greedy, miserable, filth on the streets... but after we start... will you help me find a good reason to stop”

He looks back at me with sadness in his eyes... and desperation in his voice and says - “I can’t...”

Dash Deringer - 47

The Deringer Code

I am what I say I am

“I AM WHAT I SAY I AM”

and you can’t convince me otherwise...

“To find yourself, think for yourself” - Socrates

Many years ago I became a member of a not so secret “secret society” steeped in the occult and dressed in fancy lies and layered with secrets of their own... from their own... and those on the outside (I can only refer to as sheep).

I had my reasons for joining and my reasons for leaving - someone once said to me that once you’re in - you’re in for life - whether you’re in or out... well... we’ll see.

There were many things about their organization that I was unsure of or that I did not agreed with - but equally as many things that I accepted as true and undeniable - a couple of those things being their teachings of the laws of the universe and how to apply them to ones life as written in that little blue book called “The Kybalion”, and their teachings on how the mind and the subconscious work... I still read The Kybalion often all these years later and contemplate on it - I know men that have been studying it all their lives.

The Kybalion teaches us that “ the universe is mantel - the ALL is mind”

A teacher of mine told me - “the subconscious holds the secrets of the universe... it is where all the answers can be found, it is the doorway to the astral realm... and that -  is were we work the magic...”

And he was right...

For the subconscious is the home of your true self - it is the core of your personality, your behavior and your beliefs.  The reason why you are why you are is because of all the information and beliefs that have been planted in your subconscious mind. -

“When you control what someone perceives, you control them”

WHAT IS REALITY?

 - Reality is determined by what you believe to be true.

 - Truth is relative to your perception.

 - Perception is the result of processed information, contemplation, and influence from outside sources.

“What you believe is what will manifest in our experience - we all create our own reality”

From the Deringer File titled Lessons Learned the Hard Way on affirmations:

* "What you believe will become your reality - the subconscious mind is a computer - it will supply the results of the information it has received - like land it will bring forth that which has been planted into it... your personality and your behavior... your actions and reactions are all a product of what is in your subconscious.  This is how and why affirmations work - by repeating them as often as possible they get planted deep with in the human subconscious where they will become your beliefs... once something gets trapped in your subconscious it will become part of you - it will define you.  If you believe you are the kind of man who is attractive to women, then you will find yourself displaying attractive behavior naturally... this is also important in chasing your dreams - setting goals. By setting goals you are creating a map to achieving you dreams... when you accomplish a goal you are affirming to yourself that you can achieve something... when you achieve one goal you have created confidence within yourself to accomplish another - what you are doing is creating confidence... confidence creates success which creates confidence to create more success... half of the trick is knowing what it is that you want... know absolutely what it is that you want... money is not what you want - it is the things you want to buy with the money that you want... women are not what you want... it is the feeling you get when you are with the woman that loves you and that you love that you want... Once you know what it is that you want then you must believe that you can, will, and do deserve to get it... and you will get it - your subconscious mind will always create your reality... once it has become a belief..."

Your beliefs also work in a destructive way.  If you believe that something is hard and you can not do it - then it will be hard for you and you will not be able to do it... too hard to learn, too hard to try, so not worth the effort... I’ll never get that job... she wont like me, she’s out of my league... I’m not smart enough...not strong enough... not good looking... I’m just not good enough... the universe is against me... it’s the patriarchy... white privilege keeps me down - whatever excuse for failure and not moving forward people want to use will get trapped deep in the mind and create that reality.

People focus more of their attention on the negative and end up with negative results - simply because energy goes where it is focused on... and people use affirmations all the time, but they are using these negative affirmations and the subconscious mind absorbs them and they become your beliefs and that is the life you get...

I read somewhere that successful people become successful because they do what unsuccessful people are not willing to do which is to make the changes that need to be made in your life, make sacrifices, invest time, effort, and belief, and turn the things you don’t want to do into habits.

A Habit can make or break you - you can get into the habit of laziness and inertia and stay stagnant right where you are... you get into the habit of surfing the internet for useless shit like pornography and masturbate precious time away when you could be looking for a woman, the habit of playing video games all night when you could be doing something more productive like learning a new skill or working on a side hustle... the habit of eating junk food and wasting time watching garbage on t.v.... when you could be working out... or reading... or doing something artistic.

I had to turn working out into a habit - I have always walked and enjoyed it and did it everyday for years... but working out was something else.  I had always had friends that lifted weights and had always tried to get me to work out but I never did - when I was still a teenager I started to lift but everyone around me made fun of me because I was a skinny weak kid - so I quit... I started to learn karate and everyone around me made fun of me... so I quit... I bought a couple of books to teach myself how to cook... but yeah... everyone around me made fun of me... so I quit... when I say those around me I mean my family... my brothers... my parents... I was a curious and adventurous boy but I always had more fun playing alone... though I seemed to always take the lead when playing with other kids... my step-father was always bothered by my laud play - back then my imagination required lots of noise as there were battles to be fought with dragons and evil doers... and Indians or Nazis... or ninja robots... so I had to find quiet ways to express myself... enter art... and music... and writing short stories for no one but myself... and I kept these things all to myself... I was not going to let those around me take it away from me... and to this day I have never really shared any of my art - be it drawings or writings or music of my own composition with any one in my family - actually, when I was living in Chicago my mother came up to visit my once and I played the piano for her... she was far from impressed... you just can’t win sometimes with your own damn family... but I got into the habit when I was young to draw something every day (until the time came when I did not have the time for my artistic pursuits any more), and writing every night and practicing the guitar... it became a habit and it became a part of who I am  - what I am... when I was still a young man - I even gave up on my dreams and the businesses I was trying to start because those around me told me I couldn’t do it... that I should find a real job... I gave up... because I believed what they wanted me to believe - I couldn’t do it... today my family has no idea how I make my money - like the art I do not share with them... I just don’t tell them anything... I stopped worrying about what they think of me... I prep and they think I am nuts... I talk about the descent of the country and they say I should just leave if I don’t like it... I just keep my mouth shut now days... they know nothing important about me... they only know the man I let them see... the man they want to see... I don’t think they could handle or understand, or even appreciate the man I really am and the man I aspire to be... they could  not, and I am sure, they would not want to be part of my reality and the world I wish to be a part of...

My reality has been shaped by my affirmations.  I have made money by paying attention to what others want... I went looking for what others want and got payed for providing it... but I had to change the way I think and form new habits in my mind and in my actions... I had to train my mind to believe that all those things everyone said I could not do - I could do... and that I was good at it... I trained my self to believe that I can easily learn new things and easily acquire new skills... I had to train my self to believe that it was my destiny to get that money... that client...  that painting... that girl - destiny wants me to have it... I can not stop until I have it... God wants me to have it and he will place the opportunity in my path... I will pay attention when it presents itself and take full advantage of it... and when I can’t find the opportunity... I will create it... because destiny says it was mine to take any way...

Every few months I am instilling new believes in my mind with the use of affirmations - currently I am on the hunt for a young woman of child bearing age and in proper mental health with whom I can be fruitful with and multiply - she’s out there and I will find her... I found the others with the help of affirmations and moving in the direction of them - I will find her as I move in the direction of her.

How I do it.

I write down what it is that I want and focus on  the words - as I write them down... I focus on the feeling of what I want - that is, how the thing I want makes me feel... why do I want it? For the feeling it gives me  - that is called vibration...

I then write down the affirmation - as I focus on the feeling of it.  I write down the affirmation short and simple and to the point - and it is written as a thank you note - to God or the Universe (but not stated - it is understood that the thank you is to God). It is written as if I have already acquired that feeling... that thing.

I then say the affirmation out loud - I say it passionately - with emotion... with gratitude... humble and sincere... this is going to get planted deep in my subconscious mind...God dwells in your subconscious mind - let him know how truly grateful you are for the gifts he has given and those that are on their way... treat this as a spiritual ritual.

I do this once in the morning and once at night and several times when I am alone through out the day.

I do not know how this works and I do not know why it works... I simply only know that it does work and I can not be convinced other wise... if you have proof that this does not work for me as I say it does - you are free to state your case... but this belief has already been planted into my subconscious mind and it is now part of my religion... so good luck.

After the first week of starting the affirmation I find that along the way in that first week I have already begun to move in the direction of that thing that I want - learning a new skill or researching something... going to where I have to be in order to get what I am looking for - the answers will come to you but you have to take action - I knew I wanted to tighten up my stomach and sculpt my abs - I knew what I wanted... I knew why I wanted it... I told myself I could do it and formed the habit of doing crunches... every morning... thank you.

Know what you want.

Know why you want it.

Believe you can get it.

Believe you deserve it.

Believe it is what God, destiny, and the universe what for you (with absolutely no doubt).

Focus on the vibration (the way you feel when you think about that thing).

And take action - move in the direction of where the feeling takes you.

I want it... I have to have it... I will do good things with it... I deserve it... God wants me to have it... there it is... there she is... there they are... that is the client I was looking for... there is the reward for me to take for my work and persistence and belief... there is the land I was looking for... there is my gang... there is my purpose...my destiny... thank you...

Again - I don’t know how this works and I do not know why it works... I simply only know that it does work.

I keep several journals at one time - one of them I call my rutter - or simply, my navigator. The quotes I have used here a are very small part of the many quotes I have gathered in my rutter I think of them often and find ways to apply them to my life. In my rutter I write down my affirmations as well. It is a book I have been working on for a  several years and I am nowhere near filling its pages... it is a book written chaotically - I open it up and begin to write in whatever empty page it falls on... It contains notes on the Kybalion, and the works of Wallace Wattles, and Napoleon Hill, quotes, affirmations, observations on women and how I got them, my favorite hustles and how I made (and make) money, mind tricks and social engineering formulas, notes on investing and my own spiritual thoughts and observations. I plan to pass this book down to my sons to make life easier for them - my parents taught me nothing - I will teach my sons the most important things I have learned... and if I teach them well - with this book they will never go hungry.  It is also a bit cryptic to the casual observer (an outsider) but if you could decipher my rutter and read it in chronological order you would see how I have gotten to this point in my life and why.

A rutter - as described by James Clavell in the book “SHOGUN” -

“A rutter was a small book containing the detailed observations of a pilot who had been there before.  It recorded magnetic compass courses between ports and capes, headlands and channels.  It noted the soundings and depths and color of the water and the nature of the seabed.  It set down the how we got there and how we got back: How many days on a special tack, the pattern of the wind, when it blew and from where, what currents to expect and from where; the time of storms and the time of fair winds; where to careen the ship and where to water; where there were friends and where foes; shoals, reefs, tides. havens; at best, everything necessary for a safe voyage”

I also carry with my a smaller navigator with me everywhere - (a pocket notebook) it contains lists - mostly packing and prepping list along with the “Knights Code” and the “Samurai Creed” and the most important things that I am grateful for and that I give thanks for several times a day... and affirmations I am instilling in my mind.

I read the larger rutter every morning after I work out and every night before I try to sleep - it has become habit.  When I think over certain event of my day - I look for something that corresponds to it in my book... a quote that will explain the reason for the mistake... or the lesson I am meant  to learn...  In the morning it helps to focus my energy in the direction of that thing that I want - hence the title “navigator”.

It works... for me... it can work for you.

This may all sound strange - I am sure readesr come to their own conclusion of the type of man I am from what they read in the writings here at these Deringer Files... but nothing is ever what it seems in this world... in my world... in the reality I have created.

I urge every man looking to better himself to listen to this recording (31:40) it just might save your life

EARL NIGHTINGALE'S

"The Strangest Secret in the World"