Thursday, January 23, 2014

She makes me want to do stupid things...

And I told her just that - I hesitated... but I told her... she said that was the nicest thing any one had ever said to her...

The last woman I said that to was Kelly, a long time ago, back in my Waukegan days... of course I never actually did any of those stupid things that filled my head when it came to Kelly... and she got married... but I did come pretty close... even though we went in different directions and we held our feeling for each other reigned in... there are moments I will take with me to the end of time... glances and seductive smiles that brought the walls around my heart tumbling down... I still don’t know and will never ask - what she told people about me... but pretty much everyone around us had their suspicions... what I enjoyed the most were those moments of silence between us... they were peaceful and sublime... and torturous all at once... I am not sure what stopped me from running off with her... but I also don’t know what stopped her... She is not the one that made me crazy... and she is not the one that got away... nor the one that inspired me and pushed me... and made me want to be a better man... but... she was... magic...

But this girl... This young and dizzy girl with the crazy hair... makes me want to break all the rules I live by... well actually... she just makes me want to break the no bullshit rule... which is the most important rule of all... and... something tells me that she would be worth it... but I am a man set in his ways... chasing my dreams and ghosts and the phantom kisses of memories I just can’t let go of... but... she is worth it...

She is a mess... confused and dreamy and goofy... she has a passion that I want to draw out of her... a gentle way to her that calms me... a smile that disarms me... eyes that hypnotize me... she has thick wild crazy hair and wears broken spectacles... she’s thin and attractive and has hidden her feminine sensuality from me... but she is very girlish - have no doubts about that... she is artistic and friendly and kind... and there is a hint of shyness to her... she does not know yet what it is that she wants... but she knows what she does not want... to live a life that is mediocre... I see potential in her... but I don’t know if I can give her the life she is looking for... but I know a girl like her has the potential - at the very least - to inspire me to greater heights... for she is... magic...

And those stupid things... to save her from a mediocre life... to show her the world and it’s cruel ways... and those random moments of kindness that only very few of us will ever see... to show her cities I know very well and see them for the first time through her eyes... I would unlock the vault and show her all those secrets I have hidden away... those sneaky little tricks I have picked up here and there that make life easy and fun... I would bring her into the circle and let her linger to learn from the masters... but would I shatter the image she has of the world with the reality of the scam the sheep follow to the slaughter house... she is innocent but not naive... she is not a push-over... but she’s not a ball buster... I would run away with her... and keep running... until the devil or the angel of death himself traps me in his grip... and holds his poisoned  fruit to my lips...

She will read this... and I may have some explaining to do... but this... in itself... is just proof... of the stupid things she makes me want to do...




1 comment:

deborahflorence said...

Wow!! She's got a smile that heals me.--Billy Joel; Something in the way she moves, looks my way or calls my name--James Taylor; Every little thing she does is magic.--The Police . . . just some songs which come to mind.